Delusions of cola on the high seas!
by Tina senpai
Summary: It's a mass crossover! Beetlejuice and Froglip are both crewon the freak ship, run by Captain TopHeavy whilst Jareth and Eric are crew on the sexy ship, run by Captain WideHip! Enjoy! Formerly 'Adventures on the slightly weird and percy seas'
1. Introduction

Adventures on the slightly weird and perverted seas

Mutiny on the freak ship

and

The sexy ship

On the freak ship...

"We shall defeat that damned singing, sexy ship, and then, we shall have our cake! Now get back to work!" Captain TopHeavy commented and pulled at the collar of her captain hook styled Jacket. She preffered the blue, but Froglip had vomited all over it and it was currently being washed.

She was a fine captain and, hence her enormous chest, she was christened the name Captain TopHeavy. Now most would argue that it was a silly name, but those would be the people who had either never met her or where flat chested feminists. The fact of the matter is, she had a mighty large chest. Which is also the reason she got stuck with a miserable and randy crew made up of crazy looking, bug eyed creeps and Beetlejuice.

She didn't really choose her crew of free will, it's just that her arch enemy, Captian WideHip had stolen the best looking crew and she was told she wouldn't be able to be an official captain or pirate without one.

Life was a bitch, yes.

"Now...go get me some whisky and cola!" She yelled at Beetlejuice who was busy putting back the skin on his knee and trying not to stare to long at her chest.

"Yes sir, Captain TopHeavy, sir!" Beetlejuice and Froglip said in unison, hoping she wouldn't kick them on the way. Unfortunately, god hated them and she kicked Beetlejuice in the leg and Froglip in the head. It was a buggar to be his height.

"And don't stare at my chest! You keep your hands off of it!" She demanded and stomped off, making the most of her heeled boots. She was rather fashionable looking and looked less like an actual pirate and more like a girl in pirate fetish gear. The breeches were DEFINETELY to tight for someone with her hips. Luckily, she was glad her coat covered up that area. She was just ungrateful that the buttons had been taken off at the front and made her chest look....well...bigger than it was. Which in her case, drew alot of unwanted attention.

Meanwhile on the Sexy ship....

"Captain...Would you mind getting off me so I could mop the deck as you told me to?" The mysterious mask-clad Eric asked the captain, who was currently pushing him against a barrel and trying furiously to undo his and hers jackets. She cursed the day she had been given this damned hook. She wished she'd never listened to the salesman.

"That's Captain WideHip!" She glared at Eric and finally gave up, feigning non-interest and walking off to rebutton her shirt.

"Captain, that fellow ship of your friend keeps sending over what look likes bits of cake."Jareth wandered over and explained to the captain, careful not to get to close in case she groped him. She immediately ran to the side of the ship and clung onto the edge for dear life.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!" She yelled as loud as she could and listened out, for below the other ship's deck, she heard a loud cursing noise and then a thud, which was Captain TopHeavy attempting to run up and confront her, but falling over on the way. She turned back and addressed her crew.

"You fools! That Captain TopHeavy is my worst enemy! She constantly tries to invade my waters and board my ship without permission!" The captain declared and posed dramatically on top of a soapbox.

"We understand Captain...just explain to us...where did you get that soapbox from in the middle of the ocean?" Jareth asked and pointed at her boot clad feet which where balanced ontop of the box.

"Don't ask stupid questions! I employed you to be sexy and work! Now...Dansa!" She ordered and jumped from the soapbox, pointing triumphantly at them. They looked at one another, sighed and then began to dance to an unknown tune, whilst Captain watched and tapped her chin to the beat of their boots.

Meanwhile on the Freak ship...

"Fly to a dream. Far across the sea. All the burdens gone. Open the chest once more. Dark chest of wonders. Seen through the eyes. Of the one with pure heart. Once so long ago!" Captain Top Heavy sang at the top of her voice. Oh, she loved listening to nightwish, and it was her favourite song. She jsut wished that when she was singing it, people wouldn't come up to her and said, 'Can I see the wonders?' or her personal least favourite, 'Take off your shirt and we'll see about this chest of wonder.' She looked up from her book and saw two sets of hungry eyes looking at her, two sets she knew too well, even though she wished she didn't.

"And what are you two doing?" Captain TopHeay asked, still firmly planted in her comfy seat, reading what she liked to think where important documents, which were in fact porn.

"We're! ...Urm...what was it again....Mutony?" Beetlejuice asked, looking considerably at Froglip, who in turn looked upwards at the man and pulled a considerably dumb looking face.

"Mitunwy?" Froglip scratched his head under his hat and looked at Beetlejuice like his brain had just died a little.

"It's Mutiny you illiterate fools! If you're going to...Wait, what?" She began to bellow and stand when the words hit her and she realised that she just made the situation a whole lot worse.

Meanwhile, on the sexy ship...

As the captain adjusted her hook, she surveyed over her fine crew. First, she admired the fine backside of first mate Jareth. Oh yes, it was a mighty fine backside indeed. She wished she could touch it just once. Oh hell, she was the captain, she thought, she could do what she liked.

"Captain...It's hard to move around with your hand in my backpocket all the time." Jareth said steadily, trying his hardest.

She glared at him.

"That's Captain WideHip to you. And It may be harder, but it could be harder first mate." She remarked calmly, kneading the flesh in the fabric in which her hand had delved into without her knowledge.

"It could be worse anyway. I could be using this." And she held up her limb with a small plastic hook attached to it. The bad thing was, it was too small so you could actually see her hand clinging onto the inside of it. She finally pulled back at the blank expression he gave her and wandered around a bit, now bored for once to actually look at her crew.

She adjusted her red and purple coat. Oh how she hated the thing, but it was the last one on the market and the salesman kept saying it went with her eyes very well. Bastard.

She wandered over to the side of the ship and curiousity compelled her to listen.

Captain WideHip listened intently to the sea. Correction, she listened intently to the ship which was floating a few yards away from her own. She had realised that she had yet to recieve her daily bashing from her foe Captain TopHeavy and was almost concerned. Sratch that, she was just curious as to why the persistent big breasted idiot was so pre-occupied with something else other than the important feud they had.

She listened.

At first, all she heard was the soothing noises of the waves crashing against the sides of the boats and the seagulls being shot down overhead. Suddenly she could hear it. The sound-no, sounds, of moaning. She could clearly hear a female voice, sounding almost in pain and yet borderlining with pleasure. She could also hear a sound like a goat giggling and another male voice, grunting madly and cursing like his foot was trapped in the anchors chain.

'Lucky buggars.' She thought and dashed off to find Jareth and Eric. She was about to demand they mutiny against her also.

Meanwhile on the Freak ship...

"I ought to toss you overboard for what you've done, you little scab of puss!" Captain Topheavy yelled from her lying position. She had her legs and hands tied up, spread-eagled on the top deck, luckily just ought of site of the other ship, but she still felt a little exposed due to the stripping to only her long white shirt.

"Oh, please do Cap'in. Then I's can has another go at the helm with your cannons!" Froglip quipped happily and almost skipped around her body. Before he realised how gay that would truly look and remained content in rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet and smirking like the fool he was.

Captain TopHeavy merely rolled her eyes and tried again to pull herself free. It was futile. She was well and truly screwed.

Correction.

She HAD been well and truly screwed. And now, they were about to do it again. 'Buggar', was all that seemed to registar. That and a face full of tentacle like limbs coming from Beetlejuice somewhere. Some place she didn't quite want to think about.

Meanwhile on the Sexy ship...

Finally. At last. Thank the seas for that.

Captain WideHip had finally gotten into bed. Not just into bed. Into bed with two very naked and virile men who just happened to be her crewmates. And it was all thanks to two doses of Rohypnol and viagra to get them there. After that and the initial beating with a convenient hard loaf of bread, they were surprisingly compliant.

After a few lengthy sessions of 'hide the hook' and 'Captain, please don't put the hook there!' She finally allowed them to sleep off the rest of the drugs.

Life was good. That's what she thought. Little did she know what she was in for. But for now she slept, one hand firmly clasping on Jareth's backside and her opposite leg slung over Eric's front.

Meanwhile on the freak ship...

"Urgsch, what now you two? You've already had about 15 go's each and I can barely walk as it is!!" Captain TopHeavy yelled as her bound wrists where pulled and propelled her forward into the bright sunlight of the upper deck. She was quickly twirled around and was so surprised that she hadn't slipped over, didn't see any problem with her current predicament.

"We'll make you walk the plank!" Beetlejuice commanded and poked her in the back with his wooden sword, enjoying it only a little bit as she didn't seem to put off by it.

"I already walked yours and Froglip's today and didn't seem to have a problem." She commented saracastically and smirked at Beetlejuices scowl. Froglip however was distracted in thought, trying to figure out exactly what she meant. SO distracted that he didn't see her foot flying towards him, not until she actually caught him and managed to boot him clear through the air and off the ship, satisfied in hearing him howl in horror as his little body hit the water with a small plop, before a few sputterings, yelling at the mermaids and finally being pulled downwards into the murky depths to be mated to death by them.

"Lucky buggar." She commented before grimacing and stomping forward from Beetlejuices' persistent poking. She strolled unhappily towards the front of the plank, recieving a surprise when she got there.

Meanwhile on the Sexy Ship...

"I'm sorry Captain, but me and Jareth where talking...We're going to have to commit Mutiny and make you walk the plank." Eric sighed and adjusted his eyepatch mask. She always wondered how he kept it on as it wasn't tied up. She didn't want to now what he stuck it with as there wasn't any glue on the ship.

"Sexy mutiny?" She asked as Jareth began to bind her wrists together.

"No captain, just making you walk the plank." Eric stared at her and watched as she pouted slightly and wiggled to see how tight her wrists where bound. Pretty tight it seemed.

"If you want Captain, you can put your clothes on?" Jareth requested and looked down at her figure.

"No, I prefer to stay this way, just incase you change your mind about molestation." She smiled sweetly at him and hoped he'd sling her over his shoulder and take her down to his cabin to do just that. Unfortunately, Jareth still couldn't walk from their last session and merely pushed her slightly, signalling for her to walk the plank

Somewhere in the middle of the ships, over the ocean...

As both women gazed below at the hungry and horny looking naked mermaids they considered their finally moments on the planks and above the wet watery graves that awaited.

"I have a confession." Captain WidehHip was the first to speak.

"What is it? Best be quick, I'm getting dry feet." Captain TopHeavy commented dryly, wondering what this last minute confession was about.

"My names not really WideHip. I changed it."

"From What?"

"...You'll laugh."

"I won't."

"Plankan."

"..."

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice!!" Captain 'Plankan' yelled and kicked out at TopHeavy. Good thing is, she caught her shin which caused her long time enemy to fall. Bad thing is, it caused her to lose balance and also topple, sending them both into the deep blue sea.

Suddenly, giant tentacles appeared from the murky depths of the sea, snapping each girl by their bodies and holding them aloft in the air.

Captain TopHeavy had been grabbed by her waist and was bent over slightly, so with her arms tied behind her back, she couldn't hide her lower waist as her top rode up and everyone could get a perfect look at her downstairs.

Of course, the newly named Captain Plankan was in an equally awkward position. During the fall, her body had thrown her upside down and a giant tentacle had latched onto her leg, suspending her in midair with everything else on show. Luckily for her she was wearing panties. Unluckily for her, she wasn't wearing an undertop or bra and her top had fallen just above her head and she could only just cover her bosom with her arms across her chest.

"This is all your fault you know." Captain TopHeavy remarked and turned her head a little to glare at Plankans upturned face.

"How is it my fault?" She exclaimed, shaking her head so the blood wouldn't rush and block her thinking pattern.

"You and your tentacles."

"....Ok, I'm sorry I attract tentacles, but's it's not entirely my fault. You're the one who demanded we were enemies."

"You got the sexy crew."

"You got the cool crew."

"I got froglip."

"....yeah, you got screwed."

"....Literally." Captain Topheavy remarked as she slowly began to twirl around like she was attached to a thin wire.

"Stop observing me booty and eat me already!" She yelled down towards the area the tentacles where appearing from, not being quite able to make out the creature beneath the surface of the frothy water.

"You do know you're just making it worse." Plankan smirked and twirled long, finding a little bit of humour in the fact she was right.

This was indeed a sticky end for both, or what soon would be as other, smaller tentacles appeared and began prodding their anatomies. What shall happen to the two brave and slightly dimwitted captains? Will they escape the peril of Tentacle molestation and get their revenge on their sexy and freakishly looking crewmates, or will they succomb to the first rule of japanese porn?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF

"Adventures on the slightly weird and perverted seas!'


	2. A sexy mutiny

"Delusions of cola on the high seas!' 2  
A sexy Mutiny

Between the two ships...  
"Oi, MelonChest!" Widehip yelled, ducking as a bit of cake was thrown her general direction. Good thing TopHeavy had a terrible throw.  
"It's TopHeavy you barmy pillack!" She glared and yelled at her longtime enemy and somehow new friend.  
After their little escapade with their crews mutinies and the tentacles (which promptly left after finding severe disappoint that neither girls where infact japanese OR cute, and also the notoriously handsome and schmexy captain hook had appeared in his ship and began firing his large cannon directly at the monster) the two captains had returned to their ships and disciplined both their crew. WideHip (who had admitted to being called Plankan, but was now back to WideHip as everyone noticed it suited her better) had promptly ordered Jareth and Eric to strip and mop the deck for a whole day and night, which they agreed to, but only if Beetlejuice and Froglip where locked up and not able to come aboard and capture them unawares. TopHeavy had decided on a much harsher punishment. A week in the dungeon for Froglip, hung upside down and poked with sticks that smelled of fresh flowers. Beetlejuice got off a little lighter. He was made to wear a frilly dress and entertain the men with his rendition of 'I feel pretty.'  
The two captains, having set up a makeshift large plank inbetween the two ships, where enjoying their new daily drink of cola together. TopHeavy having brung the chocolate cake which she promptly ate with her cola and WideHip having brought some Rum to put in her cola and more rum. Even though she claimed not to drink.  
"I nearly forgot! Whilst we were hanging for our lives by the limbs of tentacles, I noticed that tattoo you have. The one on your backside...what does it say again?" Captain TopHeavy smirked and looked at her friend who was slightly blushing but trying to look deadpan.  
"...It has an 'X' on it, with the word 'BOOTY'."  
"...Nice." TopHeavy commented and sipped her glass of cola, admiring the others crew, still scrubbing on deck and trying to hold in their private parts. Everytime they did though, Captain WideHip would bring out her whip and aim for their hands perfectly, making them have to pull away.  
"Had your sexy mutiny yet?" TopHeavy remarked absently, too busy taking pictures of Eric stretching to tie a bit of loose rope.  
"Jag älskar sexiga myterier!" She whined, pushing her face into her sleeve and moaning slightly.  
Good thing TopHeavy had been learning her swedish and realised that she meant,'I LOVE sexy mutinies!' Which obviously meant she hadn't got any just yet.  
"So whatcha gonna do?" She said and through a random breadroll at Beetlejuice, who was trying to climb over the ship and scoot along to the next one.  
"Oh don't you worry, I have a cunning plan." WideHip commented and stroked her chin with her hooked hand. Well, not really stroked. She tried but cut herself slightly so tapped at it.

Later, on the sexy ship....  
As Jareth walked in with a tray of cola, he clenched his butt in preparation for the captain's hourly grope, but was surprised at her next moves. He placed the cola on the table on the table and awaited. He waited some more. He decided to take his chance and flee, hoping that she was knocked out. As he passed the doorway he turned round. She wasn't passed out. She was reading over documents and writing away quite hastily. He was pretty sure she would have seen him.  
"Er, captain..." He ventured and watched her gaze quickly flick between him, the cola, then back to the papers.  
"Yes, thank you, you may leave." She said.  
He froze for a second, unsure of what to do.  
"Are you alright captain?" He quizzed her, pretty sure she'd jump his bones any minute.  
"I'm quite alright, I assure you..." She looked up, almost glaring at him for not leaving sooner.  
"...You...You don't wanna smack my ass or anything?" He gulped and couldn't believe he wasbeing so vulgar.  
"No, no, I'm sure you have more important things to do." She waved him away with her hand and gazed back down to her documents.  
He turned around and ventured to the top deck slowly. Only one thought on his mind.  
'What the feck is wrong with her?!'

On the freak ship...  
Surprisingly nothing was happening. Yet. The Captain waited eagerly and knew she would have a fight on her hands and she was looking forward to some excitement again, though this time, she hoped she'd be able to beat the bastards into oblivion before they got a chance to actually mount her.  
"SEXY MUTINY!" Was the last thing she heard, before being bundled by Froglip, who had been released by Beetlejuice on his lunchbreak.  
The captain was buggered now. Well and Truly.

On the sexy ship...  
"Captain, are you alright?" Jareth asked, genuingely concerned as to why the captain was so quiet and docile. He still wary, but edged closer to her, noticing her looking sad.  
"The Freak ship has had another sexy mutiny again. I never get sexy mutiny." She pouted and instead of looking at him and giving him puppy dog eyes, she stared sadly at a speck of fluff on the documents she had been reading, which was actually a bit of squashed beetle that beetlejuice had spat over.  
After a few quiet whispers and longing looks at each other, Jareth and Eric decided that they should take the next drastric step, to save their crew and captain.  
"Me and Eric thought about it...We want to mutiny." Jareth said and put his hands on his hips dramatically, shaking his wild mane of hair.  
"...Sexy Mutiny?" She looked hopeful and sad at the same time, expecting the same answer as always.  
"Yes Captain. Sexy Mutiny." Eric said and threw off his shirt. "And better yet," He began to add as his muscles gleamed with a slight sweaty sheen, "our old friend wanted to join us...isn't that right, James?" Eric turned to indicate a new guests arrival and in stepped someone which made Captain Widehip's legs shake uncontrollably and a funny feeling in her stomach erupt.  
"Hello, CAPTAIN." James hook spoke, curteously bowing and billowing out his hooked hand in a wide gesture.  
She almost giggled in glee, but luckily, remembered her plan and played it cool. She straightened herself up and posed dramatically, very seriously looking at her crew and guest.  
"I'm afraid that as captain of this ship...I can't allow that..." She smirked, daring them to belittle her and argue with her and then take her roughly on the floor. Oh yes, she hoped it would work.  
Eric grinned and marched over to the captain, swiftly grabbing some rope and forcefully tying up her hands.  
"Try and stop us." His voice challenged her dangerously and it was so hot, it could melt butter.  
'Sod that,' she thought, 'he could melt a fricking iceburg!'  
She pretended to struggle, putting up a good fight and trying to squirm away, being halted as she did so. Captain James Hook had come up behind her and had grasped her chin with his good hand, his hook now eagerly tearing and pulling at her red and purple coat that she detested so much.  
She breathed heavily as she watched Eric and Jareth remove their trousers and almost passed out at the sight before her. She may have seen them naked on many other occasions, but never had they gotten undressed in front of her with their knowledge she was in the same room.  
"For now, I'm the captain, and you'll do exactly as you're told, girly." He hissed against her hair and proceeded to rip at various parts of her clothing as Jareth and Eric helped tear the tattered remains away.  
They left her only in her long white shirt again, it slipping off one shoulder as strong, male hands fondled her body all over, Jareth even nibbling and biting any part of skin on show.  
The last thing she saw, was her two crew either side of her, lowering their own naked bodies down and grabbing roughly various parts of her body. Captain Hook then brought out the blindfold and placed it over her eyes.  
"I'll take this off later, for now...we do it my way."

Meanwhile, on the freak ship...  
After another futile battle and many a beating of Froglip and beetlejuice, the captain finally crawled into her bed and was glad for the cool night air on her nearly naked body (she always left her boots on, just encase Froglip tried to get in during the night.)  
She listened.  
She listened to the waves crashing against the ship, the gulls in the air and Beetlejuice singing whilst being beaten with a frying pan by Froglip. Then, she recognised a sound in the air. A sound that she herself had made on many occasion, whether she could help it or not. The occasion being a sexy mutiny by Beetlejuice and froglip. But she heard it coming from the other ship and realised suddenly what was happening.  
She sat up straight and thought of only one thing to say.  
"FY FAN, tursamma djävel!" Before crashing back down on the bed and covering her head in a pillow to block out the sound.

On the sexy ship, after the sexy mutiny...  
"Captain? Captain WideHip?" Eric said and gently shock the shoulder of his captain, trying to wake her from her deep slumber.  
"Hur Kommer jag till narmäster sex shop?" She mumbled in her sleep, turning over and cuddling into Captain Hook, who was also asleep and covered in chocolate sauce.  
"Looks like we exhausted her...Oh well...at least we know she won't ignore us anymore." Eric said and settled back down to sleep, moving all the sexytoys out of the way.  
Jareth, who was the only one awake, sat in his long undergarments, staring out at sea. He was curious. After Six Lengthy hours of sexy mutiny, the captain had not once given away why she had been ignoring them in the first place.  
'What in the heck was wrong with her?!' He thought, trying to deduce whether or not she was genuingely ignoring them because she was no longer interested in them or was it because she was doing something...then he thought of something. He carefully hopped down from the ledge by the window and walked over to her table. He had seen her looking at 'important documents' earlier and thought they may be a clue.  
He picked up a small scrap of paper;

1. Ignore crew.  
2. ???  
3. Sexy Mutiny

And he gazed down at the rest of the table and noticed it was covered in paper that had pornagraphic images on. Mostly of him and Eric. And some of Beetlejuice and Froglip to.  
She was definetely going to be molested by mermaids later.

The next day, Between the two ships...  
Good thing is, Jareth never got a chance to tell anyone. Beetlejuice was still holding him in his cabin where cries of mercy and moans could be heard.  
"Oi, MelonChest!" Widehip yelled, ducking as a bit of cake was thrown her general direction. Good thing TopHeavy had a terrible throw.  
"It's TopHeavy you barmy pillack!" She glared and yelled at her longtime enemy and somehow new friend. And thus began a cycle. Will it ever end?! Find out in the next installment of...  
'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'


	3. The swap and interrogation

'Delusions of cola on the high seas!' 3  
The Swap and Interogation

In the middle of the ships, over the sea...  
"So, how did the sexy mutiny go?" TopHeavy asked and traced along a small cut on her arm she recieved during a heated swordfight. Lucky for her she had gotten the man's knackers before he could cut off her arm.  
"It went very well. Although Captain Hook did have to give me his coat after he left." She said and straight out a frilly edge along said coat. Luckily for her it was his trademark red and TopHeavy was wearing her favourite blue today.  
"Molester." She commented and snickered as WideHip spat out her drink hurriedly.  
"I don't go around molesting random people...or...well...I do...but not so much ever since I got the hook." She pouted a little and fiddled around with her hook, re-attaching it and de-attaching it.  
Captain TopHeavy quickly looked to where her crew was. Sure enough, the last place she left them. Playing cards and stripping out of their trousers. She turned and tried not to vomit, leaning closer to her friend and whispering in her ear.  
"I do to...but don't tell the crew that."  
Captain WideHip looked to her crew. Busy working away and showing off their muscley and sexy physiques. Bastards. She turned to her friend and followed suite, whispering low enough so she could just here.  
"The thing that really get's to me when people mention is....," she turned quickly and then back again, "My ears. But don't tell the crew. ANY crew." She leant back and winked at her friend who nodded and understood.  
They spent the rest of the time fighting over the last can of cola (which WideHip one by smacking TopHeavy in the hand with her hook) and devising a cunning plan that should make each of them happy.  
"...so you get tortured by Beej and Froglip. And I get Jareth and Eric for a bit?" TopHeavy finally concluded from their conversation.  
"Ah? A switch? Yeah, I was thinking that too...but then my crew won't want me back." She frowned and glared to her side where they were still busy working...and being sexy.  
"Ah don't worry, they would...after dealing with me. I'd boss them until they were begging for your gracious boots in the their backsides again. And my crew would want me back because you're too vigorous. For Beej at least. Good thing he's already dead."  
"I think I'd like it too much for their liking. Bastards." WideHip sipped the last bit of her precious cola and placed her hooked hand on the table, outstretching it towards TopHeavy.  
"Alright! You got a deal!" She said and TopHeavy happily took her hand and shook the hook. And accidentally pulled it off and had to put it back on again.

On the Sexy ship....  
"Captain jumped overboard. Said she was going fishing the old fashioned way. Also wanted to see her old friends the mermaids." Jareth commented and moved a chest piece. They had been wondering why it was so quiet and had not been bothered in a while when Jareth remembered the captain's orders. Suddenly, they heard a loud thump and looked up to an interesting sight. A VERY interesting sight being Captain TopHeavy slumped upside on their best thing was her coat had gone all wet and so had her top.  
Jareth and Eric walked over and helped pick her up, trying not to snicker as she scrambled and balanced around between their two bodies, her head directly infront of their muscley chests.  
"Right...What happened...Where am I...Beetlejuice, you've gotten sexy?!" TopHeavy remarked and touched Jareths face, before finally moving the small squids tentacles out of her face and apologising for the misunderstanding whilst Jareth just looked pissed.  
"Sorry about that, thought I was on my ship," she hastily dismissed him and began to take off and ring out her coat and various garments. Jareth and Eric just stood there and stared as she took off everything except her shirt and breeches, which where now clinging tightly to her body due to the water. They both noted their pants felt a little bit tighter than usual; especially Jareths. Before they had a chance to get a proper look, TopHeavy suddenly turned to the side of the ship and tried to clamber up the railing. She turned again and looked about for something similiar to a soapbox. Sad to say, WideHip never kept one as she wasn't a shorty.  
"Blasted....Oi! You! Patchy! Come here!" She waved towards Eric, who promptly pouted but did as he was told. She motioned for him to pick her up and he did so; with slight difficulty. He grabbed her under her boobs and hoisted her up, having to hold her waist as she knelt on the railing.  
"OI! Beetlejuice! Froglip! Patchy! Stop jiggling me about and hold on!" She grabbed Eric's hands and placed them right underneath her ample bosom, which instantly made him blush, but obeyed her neither the less.

Yelling between the two ships...  
"Interrogate her good men! Make sure you get every last piece of information out of her!" TopHeavy yelled over to Beej and Froglip who had 'captured' WideHip. They hadn't really captured her, they had just caught her in their fishing net and pulled her over to their side. She cut a gap with her hook, big enough for her head to fight through and squeezed it out.  
"And the same goes for you men! I want that woman well and truly interrogated until your ears and nostils bleed!" She yelled, whilst being dragged away by Beetlejuice and Froglip, who were discussing the best means of interrogation. WideHip, whilst being dragged away, looked over to her ship and saw Eric (with his hands still around her waist) carry her down to the lower decks, with Jareth grabbing her feet to stop her from kicking.  
Both captains caught each others eyes.  
They nodded and smirked at each other.  
This was going to be interesting.

On the Freak Ship...  
"This is how you get all your dates?" Captain WideHip commentated and pulled again on the leather straps that hadbound her wrists and ankles. She had been tied down into a spread-eagled position, much as TopHeavy was accustomed to, and was finding the position quite comfy. Beetlejuice had been quite forceful with her and she found that she couldn'treally put up a fight, specifically as it was just him and let him strip her until she was left in just her coat (which seemed to cover her 'bare essentials') and her boots, because he couldn't undo the bloody things.  
"What happened to your other crew member? You know, the one that's a little more ugly than you?" She said and watched him as he slowly undressed. Surprisingly,she saw a lot of mould covering his body and although he wasn't muscular like Jareth or Eric, he wasn't exactly what she had expected. He had quite an...'alright' body. Even if it was dead.  
"Froglip? He was so excited he slipped and fell on top deck. Poor Buggar. He slipped right over the rail and back into the arms of that tentacle monster. We won't be seeing him tonight." Beetlejuice said, finally removing his belt and pants. Captain WideHips eyes grew as large as saucers and she refused to give into the desire to lick her lips hungrily at the sight before her.  
Beetlejuice, whether dead or not, was definetely, ALL MALE.  
He watched her notice him and smirked, licking his dirty teeth and moving faster than she could possibly imagine for a man like him. He was crouching over her in no time and his snake like tongue came out. She blushed furiously all over as she watched him use it. He slowly let the tip flick out and tease a bit of her skin by her collar bone. She shuddered involuntarily and gripped her ties to prevent herself from jerking upwards. Slowly, he let his tongue begin a torturous journey up and down her body, removing her coat along the way. She threw her head back as his tongue lapped at a specific sensitive spot on her body and began to moan, thriving on the wonderful sensation and not caring if her captainy morals where thrown astray.  
She was in for a LONG interrogation.

On the Sexy Ship...  
Whereas WideHip had been tied down, TopHeavy had been chained up. She hung loosely from a hook coming out of the ceiling and was more than happy about her current predicament...or about to be. She tugged slightly on the metal chains which had been lined with some soft, fluffy material so her wrists wouldn't hurt. What they didn't know was her wrists where so freahisly thin she could have easily slipped in and out, but she choose not to. She was quite comfy in her position. Even if they had only left her in her skivvies and boots. The sexy buggars even took her hat. She heard a clinking sound and movement outside the door and straightened herself up, looking quite persistant.  
"I hope you brought me some cola. I'm dying of thirst down here." She sounded strong and conveyed her message of superiority by sticking out her chin.  
Jareth and Eric merely smirked at her and gave each other a nod, scaring her they were giving each other a code to do something.  
Jareth walked around and behind her, pulling a chest from a cabinet and walking back to Eric, opening the big wooden box.  
They brought out something which made her eyes go very wide and her heart stop for a second. The leather whip in Eric's hands made her glad her hands where tied above her as her legs gave out and she swung her body slightly at the loss of balance, before regaining herself and gulping down the lump in her throat. Jareth placed the box down and walked up to her. Although chained up, she still attempted to distance herself and pulled back as he approached, making him smirk all the more and gripping her waist, forced her forward violently and ground their hips together. She gasped at the added pressure of his hot groin and his tongue darting out to play with her earlobe. Suddenly, she felt a cold, hard sensation on her back and recognised the feel as the whip she had been looking at earlier. She felt Eric around the other side, slowly tilt her head back and whisper dangerously against her lips.  
"With pleasure, comes a little pain."

One the Freak Ship, the next Morning...  
After escaping her Chains and 'fleeing' her captors (which wasn't hard since they where both naked and fast asleep on the room of the cell), she clambered along to her ship and made it there without getting too wet. Which was good, because she had found all her clothes and didn't want to get them wet after the boys had personally dried them off for her.  
She found Froglip lounging lazily on his back on a makeshift hammock, with an empty bottle of rum as he sung a pretty little song. He was VERY drunk.  
"You!" TopHeavy demanded loudly and watched him scramble and fall off the hammock, trying to get to his feet and keep his clothes on. The tentacled monster must have done a superb job.  
"Captain?! You're back early!!" He looked at her and hiccuped slightly, saluting her and accidentally shattering the empty bottle of rum on his head.  
"What did you find out during the interrogation with that loathsome Captain WideHip?" She asked, hands on hip and expecting him to start telling her a horror story of the 'loathsome Captain' demanding sexual favours from them, surprised at his next answer.  
"Well...Apparently...she's religious." He said, before hiccuping and falling flat on his back, passing out from too much rum.  
She pondered this for a second before hearing a familiar noise coming from below the deck.  
"Ohhhhhh Goooooooooooood!" A familiar female voice moaned.  
"God damnit! I've told Beetlejuice! No rodgering whilst interrogating the prisioners!" And she quickly leaped towards the door to beat the man to death (again) and get a fiver off her friend for extra time.

The next day, between the two ships...  
"So, how has your day been?" TopHeavy said, munching into another slice of chocolate cake.  
"It's been ok. Though it felt like my hip popped out of place earlier in the day so it's been bloody painful ever since...I blame the Sexy mutiny." She said and rubbed her hip as she relaxed her foot on the edge of a soapbox.  
"Yeah, I still have to sit on this cushion." TopHeavy remarked and rubbed her sore backside.  
They where both in pain, but they both agree, for now, it was worth it.

And thus, ends another chapter. Will we see another?! Of course we will! Join us next time for....  
'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'


	4. The meet with big D

Delusions of cola on the high seas 4  
The Meet with BIG D...

Beside the Sexy ship, in a dinky rowing boat...  
'Unlike other things, she does not bother to try and row sexily, she settles for doing it well, hard and fast. If others where there, they would admire and find the way her skin, wet, slight swelling of her muscles and her faint moans sexy. Of course, that's their problem.  
And as she rowed, she sang a merry little tune;  
"I can dive if I want to...  
I can leave my friends behind...  
cuz my friends don't dive  
and if they don't dive  
they're no friends of mine!"'  
"WideHip...why are you monologuing your actions?!" TopHeavy demanded after listening other babble on for the last few minutes. At first, she thought she was talking to her, but then realised she was acting as narrator.  
"I can't help it! I've always wanted to give it a try!" She whined and carried on rowing rings around their ships.  
"And just why are we rowing out here when we've got two perfectly good ships up there?!"  
"Because, it's just incase our crews really do decide to mutiny. I'm getting in the good-wha...what is that?" She slowed down suddenly and stood quickly on her boat, staring off into the distance.  
"Careful! You could have...WideHip? What...?" TopHeavy followed her friends gaze and stood up on the ship to.  
Coming at them was...they didn't know. It looked like the shape of a pirate's ship, except...it wasn't. It was covered in a thick, blackened mist, swarming about the place and creating an uneasy aura between the two girls. That and the fact the flag on the top read, 'SUNLIGHT IS MY DESTROYER!'  
"What is that?!" TopHeavy finally broke the silence and watched as the ship of mist and shadows loomed forward.  
"I don't know, but I'm thinking we best get back on our ships!" WideHip yelled and leapt dramatically onto a rope ladder on her ship.  
"Which one?!" TopHeavy was slightly nervous and didn't know what to do.  
"Our own you Barmy Pillack!" WideHip yelled and finally reached the top, impressed when she looked and saw that TopHeavy had clambered quickly enough to be nearly at the rail. For a woman with a mighty ample bosom, she could move fast.

On the 'ship of mist and shadows'....  
In a darkened corner, of a darkened cabin, a throne had been placed. And on that throne, a mighty and dangerous leader sat in the shadows, enjoying the solace that the ship's shadows and mist so graciously allowed him. He heard a knock.  
"Enter." A voice of power and awesomeness rang out among the room, filling the shadows with a tinge of dark and unearthly power.  
"Maaaaaaaaster." A creature snuck into the cabin and edged it's way to the seated figure.  
"What is it Worm, have we reached a land? Is it nightfall?"  
"Nooooo, but master....there are two boats ahead of us, blocking us." He snivelled and rubbed himself carefully against the masters legs, like a pup asking for permission.  
"Then blast the bloody thing out of the waters!" The voice of awesome and immense power spoke and the small creature shied away, feared of being struck.  
"But...sire...it has ladies on the ship and-" He was interrupted by a wave of the creatures, great, big, red hand, the awesome black nails a silent threat.  
"Ladies you say?" His voice sounded intrigued and the creature carried on it's gentle self-stroking up his leg.  
"Yes sir. They appear to be the dreaded 'Cola-sipping' pirates we've heard of. The Notorious Captain WideHip of the sexy ship and the infamous Captain TopHeavy of the freak ship."  
".....Worm...Prepare the ship. I believe we shall be having guests." And the figure leant forward silently, jsut to show the creature his fangs bared hungrily.

Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, above the two ships...  
Both women stayed strong as they marched to meet each other. They nodded and stood side by side, staring straight at the ship which had dared to put a makeshift board against their own. A small creature hubbled along it and as he reached the top. He looked up at the two women and noted down their assets. He turned to WideHip.  
"Captain WideHip?" He smirked at the glare he recieved. He turned to Captain topheavy.  
"Captain Top-" He hadn't even finished before she placed her awesome boot on his head and pushed down.  
"You know bloody well who we are cretin, now tell us who the bloody hell you are?!" She said and squashed him a little more.  
"Ladies," he struggled beneath the boot, "my....Captain has sent me...me...to tell you...you are invited to join him...for a discussion about..Ow! Him...Please...no more-"  
"Worm? Is that you?!" Froglip interrupted sounded surprised and slightly cheerful.  
"Froglip me' old mucker!" The little cretin said and gestured at Froglip from beneath the boot which was swiftly removed.  
"Froglip, you know this...thing?!" TopHeavy turned and demanded from her crewmate, placing her hands on her hips and standing proudly above him.  
"Yes Captain, me and Worm used to look after the king's chickens back in the goblin kingdom." He smirked and was going to carry on, before TopHeavy booted him in the legs and he collapsed like a ton of bricks.  
TopHeavy turned back to the little creature cowering at her feet and had to bend over to properly look at him.  
"Listen you, We want to speak with your Captain. RIGHT NOW." She said and growled as the little thing snivelled as it's life depended on it. Oh, how she hated snivelling goblins.  
"Of course! Now, my ladies, follow me. The mast-uh...Captain, wishes to see you." He hobbled down the plank and onto his ship.  
Both girls looked at him. Then at each other. The back at him. Captain WideHip sucked in a breath and marched down the plank confidently, followed by TopHeavy, who was glaring at the ship's muscly crew, who where all staring at her 'chest of wonders' as Beetlejuice had named them earlier.

On the 'ship of mist and shadows'....  
As both Captains entered the room, a small fire lit in the corner and illuminated the darkened room. They looked around and noted the same thing; it was still bloody dark. They saw outlines of carved figurines and demon statues and corners filled with just darkness.  
"So glad you could join me." An Immense and powerful voice spoke from across the room, making both girls jump and TopHeavy grip onto her sword.  
"No need to be frightened. You shan't be harmed...here." The figure to which the voice belonged, emerged from the shadows. Both girls gulped audibly at the image before them. A tall (VERY TALL) Hooved creature, with the sixpack of a greek god and horns sticking out of his head that would put an antler to shame, towered over the girls.  
WideHip backed up slightly, accidentally bumping into a table behind her and knocking over a bowl of fruit. She looked at the spilled contents on the floor and then back to this...creature of the night. He smiled at her, not warmly, but ALMOST friendly.  
"No need to worry. You are my guest and I'm sure my appearance...displeases you." He dropped his voice lower and gazed at her and then TopHeavy who hadn't moved. She almsot squeaked when his eyes landed on hers and for once, as his eyes roamed over her chest, did not glare at him.  
"No...not displeased." She managed to choke out, damning her voice for breaking. He smirked again and let his gaze wander between the two girls before turning around and doing an epic cape swish. He stood in front of his throne as if about to seat himself and looked at them, his gaze giving away hunger.  
"You may call me...Darkness, ladies." He curtiously bowed before the two and smiled.  
"Ladies, won't you please...be seated." His husky voice dropped an octave and for once, the girls courage dropped a little. He gestured to two smalled thrones to their side. They both edged their ways to their seats and hesitantly seated on them.  
No sooner had their voluptuous backsides hit the oozing furniture than long tentacles (yes that's right, tentacles) came swooping out from all sides and trapped the girls, wrapping around their limbs and bodies, pressing them firmly back into the backrest.  
"What is this?! Captain Darkness, you best have a blood good reason for this?!" TopHeavy tried to pull free but was stopped as a tentacle wrapped itself further underneath her ample bosom and squeezed some air out of her to stop her struggling.  
"We demand you realease us! This is impertinent! We came here becau-mmphf?!" WideHip was prevented from any further speech as a tentacle slid across her mouth and gagged her. She bit into it and the buggar didn't budge. Quick as a flash, a similiar one appeared and done the same thing to TopHeavy, who also tried to bite down, but again the persistant buggar held a tight grip on her.  
"Now, now my dears, no need to fret. I told you, you shan't be harmed." Darkness again approached them, watching them slightly cower and push themselves into the chair. He approached TopHeavy first and outstretched his hands swiftly, one going to tilt her chin up towards him and the other clasping around one of her breasts. She gasped against the gag and wriggled against the touch as he slowly felt his among her chest. He leaned in and smirked as her expression became defiant and she refused to look frightened; slightly pleasured as his touch kneaded her flesh but never frightened. He moved to WideHip and again, used one hand to tilted her face up to his, but let his other one wander round and grab a piece of her hip. His nails slowly dragged along the skin and she shuddered as he squeezed her rump, but glared at him nonetheless.  
"Such brave, strong, defiant women you are." He pulled back and admired as his tentacles set to work, slowly undressing the girls. He marched over quite 'happily' to his throne and tossed them an over the shoulder smirk.  
"Oh, it's going to be fun breaking you two." He said and seated himself back onto his throne, smirking and chuckling as the two girls exchanged frightened looks.

On the sexy Ship...  
Jareth gave a long sigh and threw down his cards onto a barrel that acted as a table.  
"You do realise we have to go and save them?" He said, breaking the silence between the misfitted four men.  
"Save them from what? They've only been gone a couple of days." Eric remarked and put down whatever money he had left to bet.  
"Exactly Eric. This isn't your run of the mill meeting situation. That blasted Captain has taken them for his own and is using them as is his little toys."  
"What a guy." Beetlejuice commented and smiled at the thought of such a stand-up guy as Darkness.  
"Look you braindead, half-wits- not you Eric -Your Captain is being held down there with mine and unless we do something, they'll be down there forever!" Jareth stood and slammed his fists down on the barrel.  
"...And? What's it gotta' do with us?" Froglip said and ate another bug out of the bowl.  
"....They'll be dressed in sexy underwear, I count your knickers on it." Jareth said and everyone quickly assembled to get everything ready. Except Beej. He leaned over to Froglip.  
"You wear knickers?!" He whispered.  
"Yeah...but don't tell the captain. Her ones are really comfy." Froglip whispered back and snapped a band on the elastic bit poking out of the top of his trousers.

On the ship of mist and shadows....  
Darkness was amused. Scratch that. He was ecstatic. Not only did he have to strong and defiant woman on his knees, he had two strong and defiant woman on his knees, in the PERFECT outfits.  
"Did you really have to dress up in these Princess Leia outfits Darkness?!" WideHip commented and pinched a bit of fabric by her top. TopHeavy was trying her hardest to break the chain around her neck that was attached to Darkness' hands.  
"Come ladies, Darkness is so...formal. Call me..Big D." The horned creature drew the two girls nearer so all three faces where nearly touching. Both girls looked at each other and blushed, scared of what his next request would be.  
"Now...Captain TopHeavy. Here." He yanked the chain his end hard, causing her to fall into his body and jerk sideways. Just as she made contact with his body, his free hand gripped the back of her head and mashed their two mouths together, capturing her moan and swallowing it down his throat. WideHip just watched as her friend slightly struggled against the mouth on hers, being careful as his teeth almost clashed with her lips and his tongue over-powered hers. The hand holding the chains reached up and again kneaded TopHeavy's chest in his large hands and she began to moan into the kiss. He pulled back chuckling and she gasped, dizzy for air and gave her friend a look as if to say 'I need energy.' WideHip couldn't dwell much as 'Big D' done the same to her, pulling on the chains to send her into the same mind-whirling kiss. She tried to resist but as his skilled fingers kneaded her rump, she found herself to moaning and recoperating his kiss. He pulled back and laughed loudly, watching as the two girls looked at each other, exhausted and gasping for breath.  
"It seems we shall have to continue this later ladies. It seems we have guests." He finished his sentence as the door to his cabin swung open and his guards brought in a quartet of men, a goblin and a dead body it seemed.  
"Captain! We came to save you but...urm..."Jareth trailed off and blushed slightly as he gazed up from his bound position on the floor.  
"Let me guess, you got caught? Urgsch, so pretty, but such an idiot." WideHip commented.  
"Worm! Make room for our new guests. We need to fit them with the proper attire." Big D chuckled cruelly and soon, the room had a two new tables, a new chair and a goblin hanging upside in the corner for the smaller minions of darkness to play with.

On the ship of mist and shadows, much later...  
Things had become a tad quiet. Everyone had stopped complaining about their currents positions. The two captiains where now cuddling quite comfortably and contently into Big D's chest as he stroked their heads and acted the pimp he was. Jareth and Eric both looked at each other, bound and gagged and began another round of their staring contests. Beetlejuice had become quite accustomed to the occasionaly goblin sitting on him. Froglip...has passed out in the corner. All was going splendid.  
"Sire I found these!" Worm hobbled along and flashed some bits of paper around his knee area as he couldn't read highed.  
"My drawings! You filthy little thief, they were in my underwear drawer!" WideHip bellowed and attempted to move, forgetting about the chain and being prevented from moving by darkness pulling back slightly.  
"Now, now, precious, don't be embarrased. Let Big D see what you've done." He carefully took the little assortment from his minion and gazed at the first lot before flicking through them a little quicker.  
"What...what is this?!" He noted and turned a picture the right way up (or wrong way) to see what fit where.  
"Why...you two aren't innocent at all!! These pictures are....filth!" Big D flicked through the pile of pornographic images again.  
"I'm sorry, there's been a horrible mistake," he said and let them fall roughly on their backsides as he jumped up, "I require a mate, or possible two, of virtue, chastity and purity...you two ARE NOT that. Guards! Bring them their clothes and let them go!" He bellowed and marched out of the room and away from the two females who where half crawling to him and complaining about 'BUT WE ARE INNOCENT!'

Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, above the two ships...  
"Looks like you're 'sexy mutiny' pictures saved us." TopHeavy smirked and straightened her collar as they both watched the boat of darkness flee in the opposite direction as quickly as possible.  
"You know, I'm really quite innocent. Those pictures just....well...you wouldn't tell I'm so innocent after looking at-" TopHeavy finished for her.  
"Filth."  
Needless to say, TopHeavy had a boot mark on her butt for a week.

What will happen in the next chapter? Old rivals? New loves? Exposed Secrets? Not a chance! Join us for the installment of...  
'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'


	5. Captain Zolah appears!

Delusions of Cola on the high sea 5  
Another Sexy Mutiny! Captain Zolah Appears!

On the freak ship...  
TopHeavy was lounging quite happily on the top deck, bathing in her shirt, boots and hat. She didn't really care she was just wearing her pirate pants underneath (emblem and all) and found the day to hot to do anything. She knew Froglip had accidentally stuck to one of the walls on lower deck and was currently molding into it. Beetlejuice was confined to the lowest corner of the lowest deck as his body got to hot and began to smell a little.  
Life was peaceful like this.  
And boring.  
She pushed herself off her hammock and wandered over to the makeshift board which attached her and her friend WideHip's ships together. They would regularly enjoy a nice long chat and drink upon their makeshift table and discuss any new plans and ideas, specifically, mostly for WideHip's drawings. And many an argument was held there, over whether they could be considered art or porn. Well, the ones that showed her and her two crewmates having an evening of 'sexy mutiny' was discussed anyway.  
She reached the other ships railing and said down on the edge, trying not to burn her butt on the hot wooden rail.

On the Sexy ship...  
"Hello MelonChest." WideHip didn't look up from her seating position. She was still lounging happily on hert chair and heard a growl, hiding her smirk beneath a new book she bought.  
"We've been through this, it's TopHeavy and you know it!" The small female pirate yelled and puffed out her chest. They really did look like two melons.  
"Yes, yes, whatever. What do you want? Crewmates planning another sexy mutiny and you need a couple of hours to hide in the dungeon? I could get Jareth and Eric to give you an interrogation but it would cost you a barrel of cola." She finally removed the paper from her face and saw her friend looking out to see.  
"There's another ship heading this way....and it looks big." She leant back slightly and watched the ship approach quite fast. She was joined by WideHip who casually draped herself along the railing and gazed at the ship to, before gasping in surprise.  
"I know that ship! It's the dreaded OC ship!" She sounded surprised but not to fearful, where as TopHeavy scrambled up and attempted to run to her ship.  
"BEETLEJUICE! FROGLIP! LOAD THE CANNONS!" She yelled and tried to run, but Widehip (with her surprising speed) grabbed her foot and pulled her until she was lat on her face.  
"No you barmy pillack! Leave them be! They're old chums of mine!" WideHip said, scrambling onto the board and pulling TopHeavy up with her.

In the middle of the ocean, Above the two ships...  
As both girls watched the ship approach, they heard the clear sound of Lordi's 'bloodred sandman' blaring loudly from the ship.  
TopHeavy gasped as the boat made a successful turn to slow itself down as it pulled up alongside and looked across at the three inhabitants on the rail.  
On one side, stood a male, with long black hair and horns portruding from his head. He was smirking quite evilly and sadistically at the girls. His pointy ears stuck out from his hair, underneath his hat and the eyepatch he wore just made him look worse. Although, not that it shouldn't be noted, he wasn't wearing a shirt which instantly made him ok in the girls eyes.  
On the opposite side, a pale male in a striped shirt stoof, dagger in his mouth and gesturing happily at the other ship. He had shiny white hair with a small cap that fitted him cutely. He too had point ears and a pair of horns, though his notably smalled than the others. He was covered in tattoos and had an air of cuteness about him, particularly as WideHip gasped at the sight of him.  
And Finally, making up the trio, was a woman who would have made Beej quiver in fear. Her tight clothes fitted her perfectly, with buckles and belts of gold lay all out on black clothing. Her top hat perched ontop of her wild green hair, with a large feather billowing out the back. She curled and uncurled her fingers quickly as she waved, pleased with the way the girls where looking at her.  
This girl, DEFINETELY, had style.  
"Who are they?!" TopHeavy stood, mouth open and gaping at the three before her.  
"THEY are the crew of the OC ship. The demon with the black hair is called Delios," she leant in to whisper the bad parts, "very rape happy, goes with anything with a hole so watch yourself. Next, is his partner Inkrathazel...I call him Inky, we had a bit of a...thing...didn't work and I left before I could tell him. And finally, last and least, the great Captain Zolah...She's alright, tuchy about her height so she'll envy you for that. And for godsakes, DON'T MENTION HER BUTTON NIPPLES." She jabbed her friend sharply in the back to indicate her seriousness.  
"Well if it isn't WideHip, how you doin' girl?!" Captain Zolah yelled and stood on the rail of her boot, preparing to jump.  
"Very well, I see you haven't changed, you still leaving bitemarks on all your poor men?!" She sniped and smirk, conveying how unserious she was. Zolah laughed and leapt like a tigress, jumping from her rail to the sexy ship's.  
Captain Zolah hopped off and embraced her old friend WideHip before quickly turning to TopHeavy. She strode over to her and bent down slightly, putting her face to TopHeavy's.  
"Hello Shorty." She said in cute voice, mocking the girl and smirking as she watched her turn red. *she patted her head quickly before turning away and continuing her reminiscing. Her two crewmates shortly joined her and WideHip pulled to advance on each one of them.  
"Delios." She smirked and tilted her hat to him suitably as he licked his lips at her, a way that reminded Topheavy too much of beetlejuice.  
"WideHip, you look delicious as ever." He said and gazed down at her hungrily.  
"You make it sound like you want to eat me Delios. And before you say, I know you'd love to, but it will have to wait till later." She turned from him and smiled sweetly at the next male.  
"Inky." Was all she said and he merely folded his arms and looked at her sadly, popping out his hip which made everyone raise one eyebrow.  
"So you remember me then?" Inkrathazel snapped out.  
"Oh Inky, don't be like that!" WideHip moaned and approached him again, putting her hands on his shoulders.  
"How am I supposed to be like? You left without telling me you bloody wide-hipped, half-brained pirate!" He glared down at her and jumped as two arms fell around his waist.  
"Hey, WideHip, Hands off the merchandise, he's mine now. Beside, you've yet to to introduce everyone. Whose the Top Heavy girl?" Delios smirked and didn't move away as Inkrathazel attempted to bat away his wandering hands.  
WideHip turned to the direction her friend was and so her happily and quietly sipping some cola.  
"Ahhh, this," she said, pushing TopHeavy forward like a prize to be one, "is the admirable and brave Captain TopHeavy." She said and TopHeavy bowed at the three figures. She followed the gazes through. Zolah was staring at her chest with a smile of knowing on her face. Delios was staring at her chest with a look of hunger on his face. Inkrathazel staring at her chest with a look of amazement on his face.  
Zolah was the first to break the silence as she marched over, gave TopHeavy a massive slap on her back.  
"Glad to meet you! Let's continue this conversation on a ship! Right," she hopped on the railing of WideHips ship and posed effectively, "where's this sexy crew I've been hearing soo much about?"

On the Sexy ship...  
"Jareth Darling!" Zolah commented and threw her arms around the goblin king. He seemed used to this and dipped her slightly as if all part of the routine, whispering sweet and unadulterated things in her ear.  
"Oh! Oh Jareth really, later." She giggled as he straightened her back up and returned a wink he threw her asa she wondered into Eric's general direction.  
"And WHO might you be? New boy?" She licked her lips at the sight of him and he blushed at her forwardness.  
"Eric, my lady." He bowed curtiously and kissed her hand. She chuckled.  
"Lady? I say...I like you. ALOT." She winked and turned back to her friend, giving her the silent thumbs up at succeeding at getting a hotty such as Eric for a crewmate.  
Whilst Zolah was busy checking out Eric's fine working rump, WideHip was getting re-acquinted (or trying to) with her old friend Inkrathazel.  
"Inky, don't be mad at me! I'm sorry I left like that I just needed space!" She said and bunched her knuckles in frustration when he started to be a bit kranky with her. What she didn't know was, he was still in love with her.  
"Space? You call hopping on a boat full of sexy men and sailing on the seas doing allsorts of filthy stuff is space enough?!" Inkrathazel got nose to nose with her and glared in her eyes. God, he could so easily take her then and there, ripping off her clothes and lavishing kisses upon her body. His imagination was working overtime. Unfortunately he was pulled out of his passion induced dream by Delios' teasing voice.  
"Oh Honey pie, Junior's awake." He smirked and looked up at the sails.  
WideHip followed Inkrathazels' gaze upwards and saw a small but very quick figure climbing there sales, shouting something about burning his parents down with their weirdo friends.  
"Inkrathazel! I want you to get that child of yours down from those sails and lock him in that room of his! I don't wanna split up the happy family, but this ship is no place for a brat like him!" Zolah yelled and for once it seemed, Inkrathazel nodded in agreement with her.  
Delios cut in with an added chuckle and, "that's definetely my kid," which made WideHip gasp and spin around to face the two.  
"Inky! You and Delios had a...a...son?!" She looked up towards the creature climbing about the place and being called down by his 'father'. Inkrathazel was more of the 'woman' in the relationship. FACT.  
"Well, when you have a horny incubus attached to you for over half a year and he rapes you even whilst you sleep, then yes, you're most likely to get a child." Inkrathazel sounded deadpan and finally gave up and proceeded to climb after his child.  
After about five good minutes, with the crew watching and sipping on cola and rum, Inkrathazel finally managed to catch his son and sedate him. By that we mean, he brought him down kicking and screaming and Delios hit him over the head. He did say it was 'for the brat's own good.'  
Inkrathazel quickly went back to the ship to put 'Junior' to sleep and Zolah busied herself again as something caught her eye.  
"So TopHeavy, is that you're crew?" Zolah pointed behind the girl to the two figures on the ship. Sure enough, Beetlejuice had been able to escape his prision, still covered in his ghost chains and Froglip had also managed to make it...with a bit of the wooden wall attached to his back.  
TopHeavy nodded her head and lowered it.  
Zolah patted her on the back.  
"You got the bum deal."  
"I know." TopHeavy groaned out in reply.  
"....Anyway, everyone, I suggest we all cram together on here, because there's going to be a PARTY!" Zolah said and soon, everything was alive (no pun intended for Beetlejuice) and buzzing with the idea of rum, cola and dancing. Even Froglip seemed alright with the idea, especially after TopHeavy beat him for complaining.

On the Lower deck of the sexy ship...  
As Zolah promised, there was indeed a party. Much merryment was had. Rum and Cola where mixed and drunk. Little mini napkins where folded neatly to look like ships and then set alight by Beetlejuice, because he 'wanted to watch them burn.' It was also a known fact, Beetlejuices' old friend Joker had made a MAJOR influence on his outlook on life. Death. Whatever.  
Jareth was the only one not in party spirits, moslty because his captain was no longer paying attention to him and if she did, it was to tell him to get another barrel of rum or cola. He was also slightly drunk.  
After the fifth time, he was removing a barrel from the cellar when, just about to roll it out, when he was roughly pushed from behind, sending him over the barrel and onto his face and hands.  
He turned to see Delios smiling quite cruelly at his current position. If someone where to walk in or draw a picture, it would show Delios standing over Jareth, who was beant over a barrel with his rump sticking in the air. This was definetely going on the internet later. Jareth blushed before pushing himself up, quicker than he should and trying not to stumble into Delios for support.  
"What the bloody hell are you doing?!" Jareth protested and made to grab Delios by the shoulders, by Delios was quicker. He pulled Jareth swiftly by his top and kissed him violently, shocking the gobling king. Delios pulled back and licked his lips.  
"Now, now Jareth, don't fret, I just need to borrow something." Delios said and pushed the drunken Jareth on the floor, pushing his hand up Jareth's top.  
"Stop! What are you-GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THERE!" He attempted to push back, but the drug that Delios had put in his drink had made him feel so weak, it was like a feather batting against a bulldog. A very well dressed feather at that.  
"Calm yourself. Tonights going to go to my plan. And maybe tomorrow, if all succeeds, I'm sure I could fit you in to." Delios said and licked the Jareth's earlobe, making him shudder involuntarily.  
"Let the fun, begin."

On the upper deck of the Sexy Ship...  
"Has anyone seen Jareth?" WideHip commentated as she smuggled her way through the 'party crowd.' She had been wondering what happened to him, specifically, why he hadn't brought up more rum and cola. She thought he had finally mutinied and got a boat and rowed away to a small island, to live happily ever after...for a while anyway.  
Everyone was thoroughly enjoying themselves. Inkrathazel and Froglip had been drinking because Inkrathazel hadn't done so in a while (what with a son to look after) and they had passed out quietly and contently in one corner, somehow Froglip using Inkrathazels' stomach as a cushion. Eric was, quite badly, beating off the attentions and hands of Zolah. She hadn't known him long and had already curled herself onto his lap, fingering the small holes in his shirt. She already drunk a barrel full of rum and was feeling pleasantly tipsy.  
TopHeavy had somehow gotten so drunk that she was allowing Beetlejuice to molest her in the corner, smiling nonstop and murmuring something about the frog prince. Beetlejuice just went with the flow and continued to do disgusting stuff to her body. Oh how he was admired among men.  
WideHip decided to check the lower decks, going passed the room that Jareth was currently occupying. She wouldn't have seen him. He was tied down on the floor. However, as she approached the hallway, she could have sworn she caught sight of his figure, disappearing into a room.  
"Jareth I know that's you. No one else on the crew leaves a trail of glitter wherever he goes." She groaned deadpanned and followed the trail into the room.  
As soon as she had stepped in the centre, a loud bang behind her made her spin round.  
She saw not only a figure having closed the door, but the supposed person she was looking for standing infront of it and bolting it shut.

On the Lower deck of the sexy ship...  
"Jareth?" WideHip whispered as the figure approached her. She saw her crewmate Jareth, but something in her told her it was different. She looked at his eyes and her very sould was devoured. Her knees felt weak and the funny feeling in her stomach began to tighten in a knot. The figure that was Jareth moved forward confidently, his black shirt undone to reveal a muscular chest and tight abs. God she could eat off them right now.  
"WideHip." He whispered dangerously, swooping out at her shoulders and pulling her violently forward so their bodies mashed together. She gasped and blushed as his hips ground, HARD, into hers. He hissed against her neck, just below her ear and sank his teeth into her neck, being careful not to break skin. He gently sucked at that spot, knowing he'd found a weak spot when her weight fell into his for support and she moaned and whimpered in delight. He quickly got to work, his first step to be pulling her violently to the floor and stilling any fight in her with a mind boogling kiss.  
he pressed his body firmly against hers, his hands wandering everywhere and finding they're way underneath her clothes, making her skin set on fire where he touched her.  
Soon, clothes where thrown to one side, all WideHip had was her pants and boots and Jareth...his pants. She'd lost her hat in the kiss that felt like her energy was being sucked out of her and replaced with pure, hot lava. Everywhere on her body felt so alive. She gasped into the kiss as Jareths' skilled hands made their way into her pants and groped her rump roughly, pushing her even harder against his hips.  
WideHip suddenly pulled back and gazed back into Jareth's eyes, this time snapping something.  
"You're...you're not Jareth." She breathed out, her chest still pressed against his.  
"...What gave me away?" Jareth's voice changed slightly, giving away his identity as Delios, but still he kept up the visage.  
"Zolah and you lot appear on my ship and suddenly Jareth 'wants me?' I'm not stupid, I just do stupid things." She said sarcastically, breaking the mood slightly.  
"Well, isn't this better? I mean, now you can have both of us. I can be whoever you want me to be," he leaned closer and the eye visage changed slightly, revealing a spark of yellow before it disappeared in a look of pure lust, "just try me." He pressed his lips hastily against hers again, silencing any protest and sound she made. She lost her inhabitations in the whirlwind kiss and wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling him against her and she wantonly threw back her head, moaning wildly as they grinded against each other.  
"DELIOS, REMOVE YOUR BODY FROM HERS!" A shout was heard form just outside the doorway, interrupting their little 'meeting'. A loud cracking and splitting of wood was heard and the door flew open, with TopHeavy's boots still in the air.  
"You do realise I could have phased through that and unlocked it for you?" Beetlejuice said, casually walking behind a very pissed off TopHeavy.  
"Yes, but this was more fun. Plus, these boots where just made for dramatic entrances." She flicked her hair at him and then glared at the floor.  
"...Fy fan." Was all Delios got out as he transformed back to his normal self, before being pulled violently backwards and onto the floor by TopHeavy.  
She quickly ran over to WideHip who was gasping for breath on the floor. She seemed to be slightly out of it.  
"Beetlejuice! Hold him! And I mean on the floor and not with your own body!" TopHeavy demanded and Beetlejuice obeyed.  
"How did you know?" He challenged as TopHeavy helped WideHip up and covered her in her jacket.  
"After I sobered up and Beetlejuice began to beg whilst I was beating him with the soapbox, he admitted that he had seen you earlier, trying to be all 'Jarethy.' One benefit of having the undead on my crew is that he can 'see dead people'. Or souls at least. We came down here and found Jareth, tied up, naked and covered in rum and cola...needless to say, we would have been here sooner but we had a terrible thirst." TopHeavy smirked at Beetlejuice who sniggered in return and pressed his stinky foot further into Delios' chest.  
"Now, Let's get this mess turned up. Beetlejuice, bring him!" TopHeavy said and pulled at WideHip, who was still blushing slightly, also trying to pull her coat around her.  
"Gladly." Beetlejuice smiled his disgusting smile and grabbed Delios by his hands and yanked him up. He went out with him and apologised or the boot to the head.  
"It's all part of the job. You see, what you done was despicable, disgusting, dishonest and molestation. I Think we need to talk business." Beetlejuice smirked. A new alliance had been formed. May the Gods protect us all.

On the upper deck of the Sexy Ship...  
Soon everyone was on deck. Zolah was busy complaining to Delios and threatening to chain him in the dungeon and whip him endlessly, mostly because he 'ruined her plan of seduction.' TopHeavy, who had successfully sobered up, was busy pushing Beetlejuice' face into the floor with her boot, for copping a feel. WideHip was apologising to Inkrathazel for getting carried away. He couldn't stay mad at her and forgave her, but only ater she gave him the saddest look in the world and pressed her body against his. He was trying to hide his own 'junior' as she pulled back and had to make do with using Zolah's tophat which he'd been told to look after.  
"Well Delios, what do you have to say for yourself? Have you no morals?! Wait...stupid question." Zolah held up her hand in frustation and was so busy arguing against herself that Delios couldn't get a word in.  
Beetlejucie was curious about one thing.  
"Hey, so what do you prefer? Boys? Girls?...Goblins?" He turned and threw a smirk at Froglip who pulled an even uglier face than he already had.  
Delios thought for a bit, before smirking and chuckling sadistcally.  
"Anything with holes will do." He said, earning a shocked and horrified gaze from everyone. Except Inkrathazel. He just rubbed the bridge of his nose and shook his head, thinking that he should purchase a stun gun or at least a collar and leash for Delios.

In the middle of the ocean, Above the two ships...  
"Well, it was good to see Captain Zolah again. I'm just glad she kicked her crew into shape before she left." WideHip commented and slightly blushed at the thought of damned Delios and his tricks.  
"Indeed. Oh by the way, apparently we're 'going to be big stars!' At least that's what Zolah said. Any idea what she meant?" TopHeavy sipped her cola and lounged back gracefully to watch her friends reaction.  
WideHip thought for a second before a flash of horror came across her face and she stood up and made to go jump off the plank, having to be detained around the wait from TopHeavy.  
"ZOLAH! I WANT THE NEGATIVES OF THOSE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS BACK HERE NOW!" She yelled, shaking her fist angrily as the sailing ship departed into the sunset.  
They watched as Zolah stood on the railing, waving around a couple of tapes and large print photos, yelling back, 'Sorry darling! I have a meeting in three days with a japanese man whose interested in buying this to go onto his website! Must dash, Byyyyyyyyye!'

On the OC ship....  
"Hey Inkrathazel sexy, what you got there?" Delios approached Inkrathazel, who was clutching something in his hand and yelling thanks as he waved goodbye to the disappearing ships.  
"Oh, Just a pretty Peach." Inkrathazel smirked and thanked Jareth silently for the little present. Jareth had told him it was going to make his wildest dreams come true. However, he said if Delios had some, he would be rendered unconcsious and immobile for months.  
"Want a bite?"

So ends another chapter in this story but what is this I am foretold?! Body swapping? Beetlejuice Blackmail?! It can only be another tale in...  
'Delusions of Cola on the high sea!'


	6. Swapping bodies

Delusions of cola on the high 6

Swapping bodies!

On the Sexy ship: The party night...

"So this amulet...what does it actually do?" WideHip asked and admired the shiny ornament. She held it between her fingers and admired it through the suns rays.

"Urm...Be shiny? I don't know, it didn't come with instruction manuals on the box. The salesman on shore just made me buy it and it's been collecting dust in my box ever since. Good thing I shot the bastard afterwards." TopHeavy said, fanning herself with her hat.

"Want it?" She asked WideHip, who shrugged at her and snorted.

"Nah, I don't wear things like this. Just drawers attention to my chest. Or the non-existent bit."

"For the last time, you're chest is fine!"

"Compared to yours?"

"..." TopHeavy just stared at her straight faced, clearly not amused. WideHip snickered and tossed the amulet in the air, expecting her to catch it. What WideHip did not know was, TopHeavy was a terrible catcher and as she reached to grab it, she toppled sideways and landed on her front. She was not hurt, her chest broke her fall. However, the amulet hit the wooden surface and shattered into two pieces.

"Uh oh." TopHeavy said and held up one piece.

"What? What did you do?" WideHip said and sipped some more cola.

"Well, I didn't really do anything. But before I killed the salesman, he told me if the amulet was to ever break under my watch," she stood up, looked at her friend and made a scary face, "terrrrrrrrible things would happen!" She pulled a long face and imitated the man.

"Of course, he was slightly senile."

"Whatever. Come on, let's go bother Eric. I'm sure he said he was taking his bath for the party tonight in the deck below." WideHip said and picked up the other bit of Amulet. She thought it looked like a rare stone and maybe it would make a nice present for someone. Either that or she could swap it for cola.

On the Freak ship, the next day...

Captain WideHip woke up with a massive headache. She condemned herself for drinking so much damned rum the night before. And she damned Beetlejuice for making her drink to try to get her to spend the night in his cabin. She fully woke up and rubbed her eyes, ridding them of sleep and sensing something wrong in the air.

She looked around.

"I don't remember thi-...This isn't my cabin!" She squealed and looked around. She really didn't know where she was.

As she jumped out of the bed, she felt a tug and almost lost balance with an added weight to her front. She looked down.

"I has...Mammaries?" Captain 'WideHip' commented as she looked down and squeezed her chest. She felt that. She jumped back and again she squeezed the chest. They were definetely attached. She had a thought. She allowed her hands to slowly wonder down and feel her hips. They still felt big, but somehow, they weren't hers. She looked around frantically for an explanation and saw an oval, cracked mirror on the dresser in the corner, running over to it and looking at 'herself.'

She looked in the mirror and gasped with shock at what she saw.

"I'm in TopHeavy's body!" She shrieked and squeezed the reddened cheeks to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Ow." She said after pinching the skin to hard. Nope, she was definetely awake.

"I wonder, if I'm in here, then where is TopHeavy?" She questioned aloud.

From somewhere outside, a scream was heard.

On the sexy ship...

"WHAT THE HELL? I...I...I can see my feet?" Captain 'TopHeavy' looked down and gazed at her toes which where usually blocked from her vision by her enormous chest. She'd woken up in pretty much the same state as WideHip, exact she found that when she got out of the bed, her bare feet touched the floor. She was gobsmacked her best boots where missing and then even more shocked she could see her feet in the first place.

Where the hell where her boobs and boots?

She heard a yell and looked out the window at...herself!

Between the two ships...

As they looked at each other through their windows, they saw for the first time, the reality of their situation.

"You're...me? And I'm...TopHeavy!" WideHip stuttered, looking back and forth between 'herself' and her new bosom.

"I gathered that! And stop staring at them so much!" TopHeavy complained. She didn't like anyone looking at her. Even if it was technically herself.

"Well, what the hell could have done this? It certainly wasn't the rum and cola last night, we always drink like that and it's never affected us before!" WideHip refused to acknowledge blame to her precious cocktail.

"...The Amulet! It must be that which caused this to happen!"

"What else did that crazy fool tell you?" WideHip yelled, trying to lean out of the window but being prevented by TopHeavy's big chest. She was going to have a discussion with her about breat reduction.

"He said, 'marvellous things would happen!'" she yelled as a wave crashed past.

"Marvellous pigs in Saturn?" WideHip shouted, thinking that maybe the brains had been damaged in process.

"MARVELLOUS THINGS WOULD HAPPEN! He also said they'd only last for a day and a bit though!"

"Right then...We can't let anyone now about this! Not the crew even! It would mean disaster for-Look, can we finish this on deck, I keep getting splashed!" WideHip said and pulled Seaweed of her now short hair.

"Yeah, meet you up there...and brush my hair before you leave, I've got bed head!" TopHeavy yelled before departing back into the cabin.

"AND TRY TO SOUND MORE LIKE ME!" They both yelled, not looking out the windows to do so.

Both girls got dressed and departed their cabins, each taken a deep breath and preparing themselves for the next few steps.

On the freak ship...

WideHip came up, only finding a small white top, breeches and TopHeavy's boots (which where actually still on her feet when she woke up) and continued to walk, her hands still clasping over the boobs in front of her when she heard a voice that startled her.

"Hello Captain ...WideHip?" Beetlejuice nodded at her and carried on with his daily chores.

"You...You know it's me? But I looked in the mirror and...how..." She trailed off, a bundle of confusion and her hands still firmly clasped around her boobs. Gosh, they were heavy.

"Did Captain T never tell you? I can 'see souls'." He said and done a kinda way motion with his fingers, obviously trying to do something to portray ghosts.

"Oh...right...Well...Beetlejuice, I hope you understand how sensitive this situation is? I'm hoping you would help ME and TopHeavy out by...keeping it...low profile?" She whispered and hesitantly leaned forward to keep it private.

"Oh yes, it would be terrible if I just 'Happened' to tell someone," he licked his lips, "by mistake." He leant in to her closer. "Wouldn't it...Captain?"

As his body leaned down even closer to hers, she backed up against a post. Damned he was tall. Everything seemed so much bigger in this body.

"It could be our little secret, captain." He flicked his tongue out and reached towards her. He fingered a few button holes on her shirt, before shooting his hand up her top. She gasped and bit her lip. All she could think to help was, 'it's not my body...it's not my body.'

His hand began to knead a breast as he began to lick earnestly at her ear. He teased her lobe and wet it cold, making her shiver.

She saw that no one was looking and signalled for him to pull her to a darkened little corner of the ship. Mostly where they kept the vegetables.

"Then...let's get this over with." She gasped out as he ground against her and continued to knead a breast. She didn't think it possible to blush anymore than she could, but she was sure she was putting the beetroots next to her to shame. It just felt so damned hot!

"Yes...Captain TopHeavy." He smirked against her neck before biting it almost hungrily.

On the Sexy Ship...

TopHeavy wandered out of the sexy ship's lower decks and into the bight sunlight. She saw her two 'crewmates' and instantly froze. Her heartbeat thumped and at first she feared she couldn't do it. She was ready to run back downstairs, lock herself in WideHip's cabin and just pretend to be seasick. But then she remembered the wise words of someone very dear to her.

"If you don't bloody do it, I'll stick my shoe so far up your backside you'll be licking my boots clean for a whole year!"

She never really got on with her mother.

She straightened herself up and marched out in front of the two males.

"Good morning lads." She said and merely saluted and bowed to them.

Eric and Jareth both looked at her and followed suite, giving each other concerned looks when she merely walked straight past them. They were both shirtless and she didn't even bat and eyelid. She leant on the railing slightly and yelled, "Wid-Urm...TopHeavy! I need you out her now!" Soon, she heard cursing and TopHeavy stumble out from somewhere, followed by Beetlejuice. She hoped she had been beating him.

"Jareth, Eric, Below decks right this minute!" TopHeavy yelled, surprised how well she could yell without her big lungs to help her out. She watched as they stomped off and waited a couple of minutes, observing WideHip get rid of her crew to. She was a little worried at the way Beetlejuice was licking his lips at 'her' body, but she pushed it to the back for now. She marched over to the rail and signalled for WideHip to march over to. She watched her approach and couldn't help but stare at her own chest. No wonder men stared, they really WHERE big.

"You be careful with my body!" Captain TopHeavy yelled and balanced on a rail. She found she didn't need her soapbox as much anymore since she had become taller in this body and found one upside.

"And you mine! I don't want any love bites on my hips or any new tattoos!" WideHip's yelled and stood aloft a soapbox. Damn this height!

"Alright. And another thing. DON'T LET BEETLEJUICE NEAR MY BODY!" TopHeavy yelled so loud her crewmates down below almost made out what she heard. Luckily on her and WideHip (and Beetlejuice) knew their secret.

What she heard was, "Right, gotcha!" What she didn't hear was the added, "Too late."

On the Freak Ship...

WideHip had been dressing herself up for a good hour or so. She'd found many things in TopHeavy's wardrobe and found them all quite flattering and pretty. She finally picked out a colourful poet's shirt, a wrap around skirt and her boots. She marched out onto the deck lower confidently, looking for some cola.

"Wow...TopHeavy NEVER wears that outfit." Beetlejuice smirked and stalked around WideHip. She really hated the fact he could phase through means. Even if he was above her, if he wanted to come down, he'd just jump straight through.

"I don't know why. I think it suits this body. It's pretty." She smiled to herself and realised Beetlejuice had caught her and turned back to trying to glare at him.

"Yes, you do look...nice." He said and smiled evilly at her. He was such a bastard when he smiled like that. He only done it to be sneaky or do something despicably disgusting. Like now.

"Beetlejuice, shouldn't you be getting on with your work? I'm sure as Captain-" She was silenced when he pressed himself against her and pushed her back against a wall, blocking her exit and making sure her hands where sandwiched against him and between her and that big bosom.

"I'm sure my captain would, but you're technically not my Captain. Besides," he leant forward and proceeded to lick the shell of her ear, "I do this to Captain all the time." He breathed his cold breath against her neck and dried off the wet trail he had left behind.

She shuddered.

In her little hazed state, he grabbed both her hands and pushed them up above her head, capturing them in one hand. He was surprisingly strong for a dead guy.

"Tell me Captain, how you been handling the merchandise?" He smirked at her confused expression, before proceeding to cup one of her breasts.

She blushed and moaned at the feel, damning the bodies sensitivity.

"Have you been enjoying yourself in the cabin, Captain WideHip? I know giving the opportunity I would." He slipped his cold hand below a strap and watched her blush even more. Her mind was going crazy and it felt increasingly hot in her body. Particularly the parts he was touching, which surprised her since his hands where quite chilly.

"How about you show me? Show me what you have been doing." He pulled back and her with him, leading her towards the cabin as he stepped backwards and phased through the wall with her.

"Just...no...no pencils ok!" She blushed as he threw them down onto the bed.

He arched his brow at her before making her stand up.

He made her show him what she'd been doing and they both enjoyed the show for a good couple of hours. And then proceeded to let him show her what he wanted to do. She definetely enjoyed herself for a couple of hours after that.

On the Sexy Ship...

TopHeavy couldn't help but skip gaily. She managed to reach WideHip's secret stash of cola on the top shelf and was grinning to herself like an idiot. After standing in front of the mirror naked for a LONG time (mostly pointing out the parts she liked and going over what she would think really suit her) she ventured out of her cabin and decided to busy herself and not distract 'her' crew. She was finding it hard to act more like WideHip as she wasn't really sure how. She didn't want to overly flirt with them encase they got suspicious, so she thought it best to avoid them together.

That was for the best.

She thought that exact phrase as she bashed into a strong and very naked back.

"Jare-Jareth! What are you doing here?" TopHeavy gasped and stepped back, forgetting herself (literally) for a moment.

"...I'm getting the cola Captain, as you asked. This is your ship after all." Jareth quirked an eyebrow and placed his hands on his hips.

"Oh, yes, of course, right...urm...continue. Good work man!" She smirked and tried to puff out her chest as much as she could. She missed her confident bosom, it made her feel like no one could get near her as they'd just bounce straight off.

"Captain...You're not trying to convince us to sexy mutiny again are you?" Jareth sounded very serious and prevented her from moving with his body blocking her exit.

She gulped and tried to stay strong.

"No...No! Whatever gave you such an idea?" She looked him in the eye.

"It's just...In these short hours...you've not tried to molest me or Eric once. That's not like you at all?" He smirked and watched her hesitate to answer, thinking he'd caught her out.

"Well...urm...I'm sure we all have better things to do Jareth."

"Oh come, you say that so often...surely, you didn't fancy a quick go with me today?" He teased her, thinking she'd leap into his arms.

"Jareth...Maybe I realised, I'm just not interested." She smiled and hoped he would go away, maybe realising she was a lost cause. She slowly began to fear the worse as his expression changed from shock, to anger and then to something PURE evil.

"Oh really." Was all he said huskily before grabbing her and pushing her roughly against the wall.

All thought of him attacking her was gone as he pressed his lips against hers and devoured her in a hungry kiss.

She knew, although it wasn't her body, it felt so good. She was also thankful that she could actually feel him. His entire chest was pressing against hers and she wasn't bouncing him off her gigantic bosom. She mentally noted to treat WideHip to a barrel of cola when this was over. For now she was just enjoying herself. She wrapped her leg around his waist and grinded against him, eliciting a groan from mouth of them, still with their mouths pressed against each other. He pulled back suddenly and she almost whimpered at the loss of his lips. He made to bite against her neck, planning to leave a nice little trail all over her body.

"Interested yet?" He smirked and rounded his hips against hers, watching her moan and try to compose herself SOME dignity.

"Judging by THIS," she punctuated it by thrusting against his hardened self, "I'd say you're far past interested." She smirked just as cruelly and again their lips met in a tirade of abuse. He threw her to the ground and for a good hour or so, ravaged her senseless, biting her in places that made her yelp, blush and moan for more.

Then, when she had got her senses back, ravaged him some more.

On the Freak Ship...

Nothing ever felt so good to Captain WideHip. She ran her hands up and down her new legs, stopping to feel the texture. She had to know where to get a pair of fecking boots like this!

It was a proven fact, that although Captain TopHeavy was infamous for her crew and Top-Heaviness, she was loved and adored because of her sense in shoes, specifically her boots which she never really took off. She finally pulled up the final belt and button together. God, how she loved to tease herself by slowly putting on those sexy boots.

She had let Beetlejuice take them off her and now she enjoyed putting them on more than anything. She stepped from one end of the cabin to the other, admiring her little wiggle in the boots and making sure not to wake the sleeping dead man. She glanced at him and arched an eyebrow. She continued to admire herself nonetheless. She HAD to get a pair of these boots herself.

She thought to herself as she plonked the body down and looked at the boots.

'Maybe I could just throw them overboard and fish for them the next day?' Then she realised the fact her feet where bigger than TopHeavy's. Damn that freakishly small woman.

On the Sexy Ship, the next day...

"AHHH! NO PENCILS!" WideHip threw herself forward from her bed and crash landed on the floor. She'd been having bad dreams about Beetlejuice all night. Damn that man and his obsession with pencils. Luckily, she'd confiscated them before he started anything.

She rubbed her head and felt around. TopHeavy's hair seemed longer. She opened her eyes and looked down.

"MY BOOBS!" She said and clutched at her chest. She was back in her own body. She was slightly disappointed her new 'toys' where gone, but she was so pleased to be back in her body. But she had more important things to worry about. She heard a small groan from the side of her. She carefully turned down and almost fell of the bed in shock.

There, lying naked (except or the covers which had miraculously stayed attached to his nether regions), in her cabin, on her bed and looking impossibly sexy and fast asleep, Jareth was spread out. She gulped down. She lifted the covers and peeked. No wonder his nickname was 'king.' She took a deep breath and found the most sensible thing was to get some water. Then she'd come back and ravage him. Yeah, that was the plan.

As she pulled off the covers gently and placed her feet on the floor, she got a proper look at her legs, hips and stomach. They were covered in small red and brown rings. She quickly hobbled over to the mirror, in slight discomfort and slapped her hand over her mouth to prevent herself from crying out loud. Her entire body had the similar marks scattered about her. She thought of what they where and gasped: love bites.

Then she added it up.

Jareth.

In Room.

Naked.

Sore body.

...

She was going to kill TopHeavy if the damned idiot hadn't gotten any photographic evidence.

On the Freak ship, around the same time...

TopHeavy knew one thing for certain as she marched her way slowly to the upper deck. She wasn't going to be able to walk for a good day or so after this. She'd woken up and found herself naked (except her boots) and covered in a strange liquid substance that was slightly sticky. For now, she didn't want to know. She marched onto the top deck and found Beetlejuice whistling a merry tune as he mopped.

"Beetlejuice! Where's Froglip? Wide-er...I...Didn't see him yesterday!" She proclaimed confidently, wondering if he knew anything about the pain in her hips and legs.

He smirked slyly at her.

"Fell overboard Captain."

Over the ocean, between the two ships...

The girls sat in silence for a couple of minutes, neither of them speaking just yet.

"...Glad that's over." WideHip finally said and refilled their drinks. They'd run out of cola so had to stick to some lemonade until they got to mainland to trade again. Hopefully, they wouldn't encounter some salesmen for a while.

"Yeah, me to." TopHeavy sipped her lemonade which she spiked with extra sugar.

They fell into another comfortable silence, watching the beautiful sunset in the distance and the approaching shore.

"...I just don't know how you can get ANYTHING done with Beetlejuice doing things like that to you all the time." WideHip said, not thinking she had spoken out loud a question that had been bugging her for a while.

"...Doing WHAT?" TopHeavy turned suddenly and broke the glass in her hand.

That night, the ocean sounds where filled with crashing waves, animals calling to their mates and dead men begging things not to be stuck in certain orifices of their bodies. It was peaceful.

Oh my heavens! Yet another story finished! But I see another one on the horizon! Join us for more...

'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'


	7. Cuddly toys and freakish pairings

Delusions of Cola on the high seas 7

Cuddly toys and freakish pairings!

Somewhere over the ocean, in-between the two ships...

"If I tell you this secret, you have to SWEAR not to tell the crew. EITHER." TopHeavy stated and glared at WideHip. WideHip wasn't really scared of her, she was a shrimp after all.

"I'm sorry, I don't talk to people who can't even look me in the eye when speaking." She said sarcastically and patted her friends head. They both stood there, WideHip Smirking playfully as TopHeavy just huffed and puffed.

"CATFIGHT!" A loud chorus of male voices broke the tension. They turned to see both their crews looking rather excited, knuckles clenched and faces of expectancy. The two glares the girls where sending out sent both crews either back to work or deep in the darkest cabins on ship.

WideHip used this opportunity to bring out her good luck charm. Her stuffed teddy squirrel Eckis. It was rumoured among the crew (mostly from a drunken late night banter from the captain) that Eckis was the protector of undergarments (hence why TopHeavy had most of HER undies stolen) and knew kung-fu. He was feared among many. Except WideHip who huggled him.

"Right...It's safer now." TopHeavy said and quickly pulled out a large item she was hiding in a barrel. Out came this massive ball of fluff, which after a shake down, became a teddy bear.

"Awwwww." WideHip said, flicking a bit of fluff off it's black nose.

"He's big, fluffy and a polar bear! And he eats boys! And...and...I don't know his name." TopHeavy went from happy to sad in 3 seconds, cuddling into her toy.

WideHip thought for a second and looked at her friend, watching her contently.

"Then his name shall be," she paused for dramatic effect, pointing her finger directly at him, "...North."

"North?" TopHeavy looked at her bear.

The bear looked back.

She hugged him and squealed.

"He approves."

WideHip Grinned at the image and had an idea.

"I have an Idea. Why don't we have," she leant forward and whispered softly against TopHeavy's ear, "a sleepover."

WideHip fell overboard.

Not because of a mutiny.

But because of the high-pitched squeal of TopHeavy.

After climbing back up and TopHeavy apologising, they went through plans. Food. Pj's. Guests. Movies. Writing and drawing pads. And finally, accommodation.

"Well last thing, where can we have it? Not your cabin or mine...maybe we could borrow someone's..." WideHip thought and tried to plan out a way out of her dilemma.

At that moment, someone choose the wrong moment to intervene in a conversation.

"Urm...Captain...I've finished my game of chess and chores today, I shall be heading to bed." Eric spoke from her side.

She smirked.

Notorious, handsome, quiet and phantom pirate had found a way to help them.

"Eric! May we borrow you for a moment!" WideHip smiled sweetly and waggled her finger at him to come over.

By the devious look in her eye and the way TopHeavy caught on and smiled with her, he knew it was going to be a long night.

Outside Eric's cabin on the sexy ship...

"Right, got pillows, chocolates, cola, crisps, cola, Teddy's, col-" WideHip spoke as TopHeavy ticked off what they had on the list but was interrupted.

"Please, Captain! I'm begging you, DON'T GO IN MY CABIN!" Eric said, placing his body in front of his door to prove his point; he didn't want them there.

"Eric, as you're captain I listen to you, that's important. However," She grabbed hold of him by his open collar and pulled him so he was nose to nose, "I want my sleepover. I want my girly night in. The boys won't interrupt us. We've got no other place AND I am your Captain. Therefore-MOVE." She said and pulled him to one side. He bounced into the wall and rubbed his head, squeaking as TopHeavy pinched his rump and winked.

"I mean, It's not like you've got dead bodies i-" She was cut short as she opened the door and looked around.

"Oh, my...Jiminy cricket."

In Eric's cabin on the sexy ship...

Wall to wall. Some on the floor. Some hanging (literally, from small ropes) from the ceiling. LOTS on the bed.

Many varieties.

TopHeavy and WideHip where staring with mouths hung open.

Eric had a collection of Teddy Bears.

They looked at each other. Then at the bed. Then at each other and smiled.

"BEAR BUNDLE!" They simultaneously yelled and ran forward, leaping into the air after a few paces and jumping on the bed.

Eric couldn't help but stare. Two girls, writhing, giggling and cuddling his teddy bears, on HIS bed. He felt his pants become a little uncomfortable.

"Eric, why didn't you tell me? As your Captain I'm thoroughly and utterly...in love with you now." WideHip said and smiled sweetly. Eric blushed about ten times more than he already was.

"Me to Eric. We didn't know you where so...sweet." TopHeavy added and quickly scrambled under the covers. Eric didn't notice and began rub the back of his head nervously. He gazed at the bed after a couple of minutes to see two lumps moving about under the covers.

"Oh gosh, those are so cute, where did you get them?" A voice from one lump spoke, Eric assuming it was TopHeavy's.

"Nevermind mine, what about those? I want Polka dots!" The other lump said and Eric just stood there, thoroughly confused.

"Ahhh! Don't poke me there!"

"Never! Submit and tell all!"

"Ok, Ok, I will jus-Oh! Your hands are cold!"

By now, his pants felt VERY tight. All of a sudden, the lumps Immersed and out came the two in their jim jams. He almost died of an excessive nosebleed.

TopHeavy was wearing a little tight one-piece. A long, black nightdress, with 'Freaks do it better', Written in bold white letters. She also had a pair of black matching leg warmers.

WideHip (who had decided to not sleep in just her panties which she was accustomed to) Was wearing a dashing set of pink pj's. A small tank top and stripy shouldn't have made him so hot. It was only the fact he could see the top of her panda panties peeking out. Alas, they did.

Both girls brought out their little treasures. TopHeavy clutched North, whilst munching happily on a packet of Oreos and started doodling words on a notepad, whereas WideHip had Eckis perch in her lap, swigging down some nice cold cola and doodling little pornographic sketches. It was the first time he had seen a sleepover and was almost mesmerized by how different these girls where. They seemed relatively...normal.

Both girls noticed him staring and looked at each other, seemingly using telepathy to get the right message across.

"Eric, close the door and come here." They chimed in unison in their sing song voices.

Eric did as he was bid and closed the door, knowing as he locked it, he was sealing his own fate. Maybe they would only put a little make-up on him. He'd heard of dreadful stories of men being dressed up, made-up, even made to where high heels at girls sleepovers. He controlled a shudder and walked over to the bed. As soon as he was in their reach, they each grabbed an arm of his and catapulted him forward. He landed with a small 'plumph' on his own bed and expected the worst. His face buried in the pillow he awaited his fate. What he got instead was a playful pat on his rump. He turned over and saw WideHip looking at him with an arched brow and TopHeavy, with a mischievous smile on her face.

WideHip sucked in a breath and caught his attention.

"It feels like we've been neglecting you Eric."

"So we want to make it up to you."

Both girls clambered to his side and got very close to his face. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Me first." TopHeavy said and quickly dove on him. She kissed him on the lips, not hard, but definetely not being a prude. Her chest pressed against his and soon, any fight he was thinking of melted away at the warmth her chest emitted. He felt her tongue lick at his top lip and allowed her entry. She was quite skilled, but still let him have a go to. Quick hands wiggled him out of his top and he lay before them, blushing against the kiss that they could see his chest.

TopHeavy Pulled back and smiled, licking her lips and making a pleasured sound. Eric just went a darker shade of red.

WideHip then shimmied her way up and took her chance. Soon, she and Eric where kissing wildly and without abandon.

He felt fingers tease along his body, groping and tickling various places. He groaned when he felt a hot wet tongue lick against his nipple and moaned when WideHip pulled back.

"And now...," WideHip trailed off and sat up, stretching behind her, so she was straddling Eric's waist,"...PILLOW FIGHT!"

Eric was met by a tirade of fluffy pillows. One of which was not his. He didn't stand a chance. He laughed as the girls started attacking each other and everyone was falling about the place. After a lengthy session, it turned into a tickling fight, which Eric seemed to win on both sides. Eventually, it turned into something much, much more.

Meanwhile, in a cabin not to far away...

All the guys, from both crews, where crowded around on top of the bed, gazing deep into Jareth's balls. They were mystified.

"I didn't know he had it in him. The lucky buggar" Beetlejuice said, dusting a side of the crystal to get a smudge off it.

"It's not fair!" Jareth said and his mouth dropped open at a certain image.

"Outrageous." Froglip said and tried to sneak his hand into his pants. Luckily Beetlejuice stopped him.

They watched for the rest of the night, Beetlejuice even getting Froglip drunk enough to 'copy' some of the things they saw. Jareth promptly kicked them out at that point before he vomited.

He watched the rest of the night, until eventually, he almost smiled at the last image.

Both TopHeavy and WideHip where under the covers, curled up either side and snuggling with their teddies into Eric.

He was smiling quite happily.

The next day, in-between the two ships and over the ocean...

"You have to admit...that was a...memorable night." TopHeavy smirked and sipped her cola happily.

"And morning." WideHip corrected, winking at her as she looked again at the photos and doodles of the memories.

"And some Lunch. Eric!" TopHeavy turned, smiling and throwing a small wave in his direction.

He waved right back, still wearing that big smirk he had been seen with all day. Jareth thought he'd had an accident and his jaw had locked that way.

"Anyway, I heard Beetlejuice had a plan to seduce someone? Does he need help yet? Encouragement?" WideHip said and watched as TopHeavy shuddered and pulled a disgusted face.

"They don't need anymore encouragement. Look." She said, not turning around but pointing with her thumb to where Beetlejuice was with his new, 'lover'. The mere word made TopHeavy sick to her stomach and WideHip died a little inside.

Beetlejuice and Froglip where busy in a corner. Molesting each other.

Readers, a side note from author:...let's never speak of this again.

"Yeez, buy them a blow-up doll or something!" WideHip turned, afraid she'd throw up in her mouth again if she carried on watching.

"I tried...they just used her...for THAT." TopHeavy growled and pointed upwards.

Hanging just above the crows nest, by her ankles, was 'Susie.'

"...Awesome flag."

"Yeah...Just tell Eric to leave her alone. We had to drag it out from his cabin an hour ago and 'empty' her." TopHeavy arched her brow at her friend, who nodded in understanding.

Froglip and Beetlejuice? Eric and the doll? What is this madness? Find out in the next instalment of...'Delusions of Cola on the high seas!'


	8. The OTHER crew members

Delusions of cola on the high seas 8The OTHER crew membersOn the sexy ship...WideHip was a proud Captain. She surveyed her boat and the waters it was a guest upon. She was content in her madness. She loved the open sea and all her crew. Nothing was wrong."Who the hell are you?" She stopped and pointed her hook at a figure. He turned around with a parchment in his hand and looked at her with a straight face."Well...I'm James Norrington Captain...The Navigator? I've been here since we set off all those years ago.?" He looked at her like SHE'D gone mad. Truth is, she already was a little mad, but not completely barking."Well, then...why haven't I seen you?" She exclaimed and pointed her hook at him again."Well...probably because you're always on one of your sexual escapades Captain." He said, deadpan and turning back to just stared at him in what could be described as a, 'I've just seen Beetlejuice in a dress' was going on and she knew just the person to talk to it the Freak ship...TopHeavy saw WideHip dramatically jump over the railing and knew something was up. She ran to her friend."Did you know we had 'other' crew members?" WideHip said and pointed to the mass of bodies on her stopped and stared, noticing the group for the first time."What? No way!" She exclaimed and looked at her own on cue, a mysterious hunched figure hobbled over to her and looked up at her."Mas-Er...Captain! Where do you want me to put the spare rope?" He eyed her from beneath her ample bosom."...Who the hell are you?" She exclaimed, a little repulsed by this hump backed man. That and he was arching his big caterpillar like eyebrows at her."Eye-gor, Captain. It's pronounced EYE-GOR." He got even closer and she pulled WideHip in front of her."Where did you all come from? We've not seen you all around before?" WideHip said and watched as more crewmembers shuffled past."We've always been here. We just sort of...kept near the woodworms." He smirked and looked at her with his big eyes. He did look a bit like he'd stuck them in himself."Right...well uh...Continue! I'll be back...momentarily!" TopHeavy said and pulled WideHip towards their boarded area between ships.A word was VERY important right the middle of the ships, over the sea..."What the hell is going on?" TopHeavy yelled and flailed her arms about a bit. She done that when she was freaked up. It made her look like a bird trying to take off."I have no Idea-AHHHHHHHHH!" WideHip screamed when confronted by a giant eyeball in her face. She fell backwards and looked up at the squid like monster on board ship, no bigger than a 7ft man."One second!" TopHeavy strode forward. She began to converse with the monster, poking it in it's side and seeming quite agitated. It was difficult at what was being said as WideHip only spoke Swedish, English, German, NOT Japanese (although she did claim to know SOME). After five minutes, mostly of her poking him and him seemingly nodding his head in understanding, the creature hoped off the plank and back into the murky waters."Well, after that lengthy conversation, it turns out, our tentacle monster only wanted to join the crew. Even though he cant come onboard. He'll keep an eye out below. You know, Zombies and all." She winked at WideHip, who nodded in understanding. Those zombies where crafty much deliberation, mostly over cola ice lollies, the girls decided to retire for the day. Mostly because WideHip had a sugar rush and felt like drawing and TopHeavy's shoes needed a the Sexy ship..."Line up then, the lot of you!" WideHip said, looking to see exactly who her crew where made up of. The lucky devil had an incredibly handsome line-up. It was like looking at '100 most likely men women would molest.' Indeed, she was thinking she may do it after."Name?" She pointed at the first using her Hook."James Norrington, Captain." Norrington said, standing properly and not looking her in the eye respectably."Name?""Owen Brunett, Captain." The man said respectably and got his butt pinched in response."Name?""Sirius Black, Captain." Although not completely sexy, he did have a certain charm about him. Something quite pleasant. Maybe it was the moustache."Name?"" Phoebus." The blonde said, winking at the Captain. She restrained herself from giggling like a schoolgirl, how she hated his niceness."Name?""Atreyu, Captain." The young male said and puffed out his chest proudly."...One; You're not sexy, you're too young to be sexy. Two;...I'm going to have to kick you off my ship, You're surrounded by Peados on all sides." She said, grabbing the boy by the back of his shirt and flinging him overboard. He could swim. A little."Name?" She continued her approach."MadMartigan, Captain." The man bit into an apple and didn't really pay any heed."Don't look at me in that flirtatious manner...anyway...Name?""Silver Captain, Long John Silver! I'm your ships cook! And may I say it's a pleasure to be working with someone of such-" He was cut off by a hook pointed up his nostril."Don't Lick my boots Silver...That's why I ask TopHeavy if I can borrow Froglip." She sneered at him, in which he instantly backed down."Is that all? Thank Christ for that, I'm..." She was interrupted by a sudden loud bang. She followed the sound and saw that it came from the door which connected to all the other decks. There standing in the hallway was Jareth, looking quite puzzled."Captain, It seems you miss-counted. There's ONE more recorded crew member, but he won't come out. We've looked everywhere for him."Figures. Skipping the line-up because he's too scared to face the big, bad Captain." She rubbed her temples and sauntered towards Jareth, patting him on the shoulder before turning around and yelling one last time at her crew."I suggest you all get back to work! And if anyone sees this 'no-show' tell him, he can jump overboard for all I care! If I need anyone, I'll call!" She turned on her heel and strode towards her cabin. All the men got back to work, some going back into the shadows to do the things they done best. Just as work was getting done, they heard a shout from the Captain's cabin."And If I call, make sure you're all at least partially clothed, if not completely starker's!"On the Freak Ship..."Alright, all you ugly beggars on deck, step to it!" TopHeavy was not having as much fun as she'd liked. So far she'd met a hump backed pervert and a tentacle monster who liked Hentai. This was not her ideal day."Oi you, what's your name?" She poked the man in the chest."Doctor Victor Frankenstein, Captain." Although quite handsome, TopHeavy could tell he was quite, quite mad. Particularly as his coat was still covered in blood."Name?""L." The black haired man-child looked at her and sucked his finger."...Right. Name?""Screwball, Ma'm!" He little dwarf pronounced quite happily."That's Captain to you. But I'll let you off just this once since you've made me feel better about myself." TopHeavy patted him on his head and kept walking."Name?""Schmeigel, Captain precioooooooooooous." The strange little creature said and began to touch her boots."Oi! Get off!" She booted him slightly and he went skidding and cowering behind another member."Name? Hurry up, How many more have I gotta do?""Reggie Captain! Would you care for a spot of tea?" The man in the large top hat proposed, pulling out a teapot from nowhere it seemed."...No. I HATE tea," she glared at the man who hastily put the pot away, "Na-Oh! Raz...Raziel?" Before the captain stood a man with jet black hair and much taller than any of her other crewmates. He had tanned skin and black lips and although quite sexy, he was indeed meant to be on the freak ship."Yes. It is good to see you again, Captain." The creature before her smiled and bared his sharp teeth. Truth be told, it was known he was not human; he was a vampire. And not the sparkly kind either. He drunk blood straight from people's necks, he had large claws like an animal to tear apart his pray and hidden beneath his piratey jacket, he had large wings, much like that of a dragon."But...you...You're different." TopHeavy stuttered and had to step back to make sure it was the same man. When she had last seen him, she had left him in a miserable state. Truth be told, he was a wraith at the time, but it was more because he was seeking revenge on an 'old dragon called Kain,' whatever he meant by that."After we...departed ways, I ran into a magician. In his power, he bestowed me with a git and a curse. You see me as my former, great self, Vampire Raziel. But whenever...certain...aspects come to light or I'm low on...energy, I turn back into that miserable thing you call a wraith." He puffed out his chest and lowered his gaze to look at her. He always found her height adorable. Though he wouldn't mention that after the last time he did; he couldn't quite remove that spork from the top of his head."Right...well...It's...good, yes! Good, to have you on board," she nervously laughed and smiled, backing up towards her cabin, "Well, you lot better...urm...continue! Yes, that's right, I order you to get on with work!" She twirled and hurried down towards her cabin. God, she needed a cold next day, in the middle of the ships, over the sea..."I hate my life." TopHeavy said and plonked herself on a barrel."I hate your life to." WideHip planted herself on a seat with her ice an extensive night of turning over in their indivudual beds and pacing back and forth in their cabins (TopHeavy because she was now thoroughly creeped out by her crew and WideHip because she was now thoroughly turned on by her crew) they both awoke and immediately set about to talk to each other about their problems."One of mine didn't turn up." WideHip said, contemplating a form of punishment."ALL of mine turned up. Oh god," TopHeavy slammed her head onto WideHip's shoulder in frustration, "why, why, why does this accursed sea hate me so much?""I don't think it hates you...well...it might after all those empty cans you threw into the sea." WideHip said and patted her head."They where for Ryu! He said he was making his new baby a mobile and he wanted...ahh I give up! Oh, why does Raziel have to be here of all places?" TopHeavy said and peeked to where the male was. He was busy in the crow's nest cleaning up some mess Froglip and Beej made."Speaking of which...you and him...had a thing?" WideHip asked curiously."...Yes. We where together during the time he was a wraith." TopHeavy sighed, rubbing her face in her hands."But...I've seen the pictures...How did you and him...you know...He had nothing down there." WideHip glanced at him to, before turning back to TopHeavy looking rather raised her head and with a sweet smile in her face she answered, "he was very good with his hands."Later that night, on the Sexy ship...As WideHip was finishing off her 'important documents', she allowed the window to be open to let in the cool nights air. The hairs on the back of her neck bristled but she blamed the chill. It wasn't until a voice called out to her, that she startled."Captain." The voice was low and male. She jumped out of her seat and looked around the room, mostly covered in shadow."Who is that? Show yourself!" "I'm sorry Captain, I'm here," a movement caught her eye just as a darkened figure outline emerged from the shadows, "to apologise."WideHip blushed furiously. She had never seen a gorgeous creature. His ears were long and pointed, his long hair flowed out around him and his skin...it rivalled Jareth's."..I'm...I'm sorry?" She squeaked out and watched him approach her, completely shocking her by phasing through the desk and ending up standing right in front of her."Captain, I wish to apologise," the handsome young elf bowed before her, putting his hands on the floor before her, "I did not turn up for Line-up today. That was wrong of me and I give you my most sincerest of apologies." He raised his head to see her face, still struck in awe, he didn't know it was because of his beauty that she was so flabbergasted."I...Uh...It's...it's perfectly fine, nothing...not worries." She gulped hard and tried to smile but was too busy trying to control the heat in the pit of her stomach."Captain, I wish you to know that I," he raised himself up and grabbed her hands in his to push against his chest, "Puck, will make it my purpose from now on to please you as you desire. Anytime you need me, look for me in shadows." He smiled and very slowly, bent forward, pressing his lips to couldn't move, even if she wanted to. It was almost as if she was under a spell. His cool lips were not commanding her, but she was willingly obeying as his tongue poked out and delved into her mouth. It wasn't hot and wild as previous ones between her crew members had been, but refreshing. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled inwardly as he done the same. She felt that she was practically floating. Truth was, she was. He had lifted her off the ground for added 'effect.' He lowered them back down and pulled away, repressing a playful smirk as she pouted at him."For now Captain, I must say goodnight. Get your rest." He bowed graciously and stepped out of their embrace. As he drifted off, back into the shadows, WideHip raised her hand, attempting to speak, but found, words would not form in her in the hallway...As the Captain was gathering her thoughts and trying to calm herself down, Puck emerged from one of the shadows, transforming when he made sure no one was around. He put on the glamour of Owen again and strolled to his own cabin, pleased with the nights proceedings. He was stopped by a firm hand clasping his shoulder."Don't think you can wiggle your way here, you've only just been given a leading part for one short adventure." Jareth stepped out of the shadows and kept his hand on Puck's shoulder."Really? If you're so threatened, why don't you stop me? Or is it that you know, that I know, that my magic is easily as stronger than yours?" Puck said, half turning and gazing into Jareth's eyes. For a good while, they stayed that way. To a passer by, they would mistake it for a lovers tiff, but really, it was a private matter between to elders of the magic."Are you really suggesting we fight over this woman's heart?" Jareth said, loosening his grip and allowing it to slide down to his side."Heart? Not really. I just want," he leaned close to Jareth's ear and whispered huskily, "to hear her scream and moan my name, whilst writhing in pleasure beneath me, having her beg below me time and again until she goes weak in my arms. And then, do it again." Jareth was shocked at these words. More shocked at the fact that such words where coming from someone so playful. He didn't realise Puck was so...dirty."Puck...have you been into the Alchemy cupboard in my room?""...Yes.""...I think this is the beginning of a new friendship." Jareth said and they both walked to the top deck, discussing the best potions and best ways to seduce Captain WideHip. Of course, she had heard everything and was planning to punish them. AFTER they had done whatever it was they were planning to do to the Freak Ship...TopHeavy was lying in her bed, reading a good porn novel, when a knock took her out of her sleepy slumber. She sat up and rubbed her eyes of the gathering sleep."Enter." She said and yawned quickly, gulping it down when she saw who entered. "Captain." Raziel said as he entered. He quickly closed the door and turned back, to see TopHeavy still looking a little panickly on the edge of her bed. She hopped off and made to march over to him, but she didn't realise her legs had fallen asleep and walking in her favourite boots seemed impossible. As soon as her weight was on her legs, she began to fall forward, flailing her arms out. She was caught. She opened her eyes, not realising she'd closed them and looked around. Raziel had used his super human speed and grabbed her before she hit the floor. They looked at each other and she began to take deep puffs of air. She started to giggle. When he arched his eyebrow, she just smiled and looked at him."This reminds me of how we first met." He looked at her before remembering and smiling with her."Urm...I don't mean to be a bother...you can put me-iieeee!" She yelped as he gathered her weight in his arms and carried her to her bed. "I'm not putting you down. I don't want you to fall." He stated with a know-all smile on his face. As he placed her on his bed he caught her blushing and trying to hide it beneath the upturned corners of her collar. He acted quickly, for he knew it would be a long time before he got this opportunity again. She squeaked as he clambered onto the bed and straddled her waist."Raz...Raziel? What are you-AH! Get your hands out of there!" She cried and tried to slap away his clothes which had now wormed there way into her top, creating huge gashes for his claws. He smirked and firmly held her hands together in his, pulling her up so he could look down into her eyes."Captain, if a crewmember where to abandon you at such a vital stage in your...expedition, you would punish him. Therefore, it is only right I deliver some punishment onto you." He smirked and delved into her. He kissed her roughly, holding there bodies firmly against each other so she could not escape. Although she couldn't really crane her neck up, he had taken this into consideration and lowered his head for her. For the rest of the night, he took great pleasure in dishing out a fair punishment. The next morning, the rest of the crew wondered why he was back to Wraith form and she had a large smile on her the middle of the ships, over the sea..."I love my life." TopHeavy smiled and sucked gingerly on a cola ice lolly."Me to." WideHip sucked with a whimsical smile women knew the eyes of both crews where on them, but they didn't care. For now, they where content in both sitting on rubber rings, sucking ice lollies and wearing their pirate chapter closes and a new one is on the horizon! Stay tuned for more, 'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'


	9. Map on the back

Delusions of cola on the high seas 9The Map on the backOn the Sexy ship...TopHeavy jumped on board of her friends ship. She'd not heard a peep from her all morning and usually, if there was a 'sexy mutiny' happening, she'd have seen a flag flying. Well, more so WideHip's panda pants flapping in the wind. She wouldn't be so worried, except, even her own crew had seemed to disappear back into the woodwork. Even Raziel had gone back to the confines of darkness for a bit. She smiled, remembering how much fun she'd had with wearing him out till he had to change back to wraith form. As she approached the lower deck where WideHip's cabin was, she heard lots of discussion coming from within.'Is that it there?''No, that's a smudge, look. If we went here, I'm sure we'd find more important stuff!''What I want to know is, how exactly did this get here in the first place?''Urm...guys...could we hurry this up, I'm getting quite chilly.''It's alright Captain WideHip, we're nearly done, you can put your clothes back on soon.'TopHeavy's eyes became saucers. Her imagination was running wild and her brain was exploding with images. She knew if she didn't see what was happening now, she wouldn't be able to sleep until WideHip either told her or made her draw the images in her opened the door and was shocked at the image before her."Hell TopHeavy, would you give us a moment, we're deep in concentration." Jareth said and turned back at the job at hand."Right...well...I see...urm..." Norrington was so busy blushing he couldn't keep his concentration. As the ships navigator he was used to reading from parchments or boards or something else, but not... was stood with her back to him, completely naked and letting everyone get a good , after her 'drunken' antics, she'd revealed more of her skin than she meant and it intrigued the males to know end."Norrington, out of my way!" Beetlejuice shoved the young navigator out of the way and grasped WideHip's Hips firmly in both hands to have a good look. He rubbed his chin with his forefinger and thumb, contemplating the layout and structure and...basically, looking at her butt."Beetlejuice, what are you doing here? You're not even on their crew?" TopHeavy said with hands on hips and looked at her stray crewmember."Froglip fell overboard again. Went to find him and...got sidetracked." He smiled and then continued looking at the map."...Right," she sighed and strode over to WideHip's desk, looking for a plain parchment and pen, "WideHip stay still. The sooner I get this map drawn the sooner you can put your clothes on. And that means you can actually stop the guys from drooling on my boots.""Yeah, sure, we're just getting a closer look Captain." Beetlejuice smirked and moved closer, watching WideHip shudder and feeling it beneath his cold so long after, on the Sexy ship..."...Eh...Guys...I drew the map already." TopHeavy said and eyed up the guys STILL looking at WideHip's naked back. After a couple of slaps to the back of the boys heads' all around, they all separated and allowed WideHip to slip on a pair of panties and her jacket."Beetlejuice, stop being a bastard and move. WideHip, explain to me exactly HOW you got that thing on your back and booty?" TopHeavy nudged him aside as he tried to cop a feel from behind."I have no idea how I got it, someone spiked my cola when we where in some harbour and when I woke up, I had it." She complained, buttoning up her jacket and feeling a little violated. More so than usual."I bet it was Hook. It's a very 'Hook' thing to do." TopHeavy said, grabbing Norrington and using his magnifying glass to see details more and match up maps."That genius sexy bastard!" WideHip pronounced and trotted over to the table in which everyone was now gathered."Hey! How come he get's to be a 'genius sexy bastard' and I'm just a normal bastard?" Beetlejuice whined and then froze when TopHeavy put a fridge magnet on his head. It was made out of iron. WideHip had told TopHeavy to use it when he misbehaved."So...where does it lead?" WideHip bent forward and observed the markings to see if she could match it with older maps or ones with missing bits."To a stash of sweets, porn and cola! A pirate's paradise?" TopHeavy yelled, looking about to see if that was true."I totally wouldn't like a pirate's paradise. Too many pirate's at the same time, I'd get a headache.""Ahhh. Right, if I put this here and then...Aha! I found it! This is the match to the dreaded 'Death-be-here' islands!" TopHeavy yelled and pinned the map and the parchment side by side. It was a perfect match to previous line-ups."'Death-be-here'? Why the hell would anyone want to put there treasure there?" Eric poked his head through one side and gazed at the map drawing. It was in the shape of a giant skull."Well, if you didn't want anyone to unbury your treasure, wouldn't you want it in a place where no one would go?" TopHeavy said and watched him nod in understanding."Right! Plan of action anyone?" WideHip said. She started off a massive debate and it was said that the best part of the day was spent planning and fighting off deck, on the Sexy ship...She was knackered. Well and truly. Captain WideHip was just about to walk through the door and go to her cabin, when a shout stopped her dead in her tracks."WIDEHIP!" TopHeavy yelled from atop a sail line on her ship. She grabbed the rope and swung with all her weight, and just as it got to the other side, she jumped and rolled dramatically through the air until landing on the floor right at WideHip's feet. She stood up and looked her friend seriously."I forgot my hat." She pouted and picked up her hat from the side barrel by the merely frowned and glared at her."Damn you and your drama boots!"TopHeavy merely shrugged and walked off, gaily hopping over the railing and back to her ship. WideHip had had a long day and the last thing she wanted was those damned drama boots in her face. God how she wanted was a long day after all the trotting after that treasure map that was on her back and all. She just wanted a nice cold can of cola and she'd be Next day, on the Freak ship...TopHeavy had been going through copies of the map all night. She realised the quickest way to get there and gave Beetlejuice the co-ordinates. Why she trusted him, she didn't know. She wouldn't be surprised if she awoke the next morning to find him gone and them on a harbour well known for it's cheap prostitutes. God knows she didn't want to go through THAT approached the wheel and cast her spy-glass out, pleased to see he had tied himself to it so that although he was asleep, he could still stir. He really did wanna get laid."LAND AHOY!" TopHeavy yelled and rushed about, walking up stray members of her leaned over her railing and looked at the island getting closer, before turning to face the Sexy ship."WIDEHIP! LAND AHOY!"On the Sexy ship...'LAND AHOY!' was all WideHip heard before she threw herself up and out of bed. She quickly dressed (she didn't really wanna be seen naked again. At least not for a while) and ran up towards the top deck. When she got there, she saw what all the excitement was about. Indeed, the island was in sight. The dreaded, bloody sighed and put on her hat which was clutched in her hand."LADS! STEER US WITH THE FREAK SHIP! WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!" She yelled and smirked over at TopHeavy who was standing up near the crows Captain's new, this was going to be a definite pirate the island of Death-be-here..."My feet hurt." TopHeavy said and walked down the narrow path of the jungle. After they had departed and left the ships in charge of Eric and Froglip (which meant one was soon to be sunk and the other burnt) they had set off on foot. TopHeavy had bought Beetlejuice and Reggie with her, she claimed it to be sheer strength she needed but it could have also been the fact she was hoping one or both would get eaten by some creature inhabiting the Island. WideHip had brought along Jareth and Owen. She didn't really want man power, she just wanted to admire them sweat and half naked in the hot sun. It was good to be Captain sometimes."According to the map and Norrington, we have another mile on the island before we reach our destination. That should take us about an hour." TopHeavy said holding the map to one side whilst cutting down random branches on the other. They weren't in the way, she just wanted to look cool."So let me get this straight...the tattoo, that has been on my back since a 'drunken' night out, is an ACTUAL treasure map?" WideHip marched up, leading the rear. She didn't want anyone looking at her butt on the way through."Yerp. Either that or we're gonna get screwed. And not nicely either!" Beetlejuice smirked and grabbed various bugs on the way, snacking on them and crunching them between his teeth."Remind me why I hired such a despicable and loathsome crew?" TopHeavy murmured, hoping she wasn't heard."Because we fit your personality so well!" Reggie said, sipping his tea and ducking as a large coconut was thrown at him. Luckily, it hit Jareth in the head and for a good few minutes, he believe he was a king in a far off realm, inhabited by hour later on the island of Death-be-here..."Aha! Look, that is it! The 'X' marking the spot!" WideHip Proclaimed and leapt forward. Indeed, beside a tree, marking firmly on the ground was a big 'X' in black paint. It wouldn't have to be subtle due to the fact it was on an island which no one really all ran as fast as there feet would carry them to the spot and everyone stood awaiting orders."Well, looks like it's time to dig." WideHip looked to her left where TopHeavy looked right back at her."Let's get to it!"Soon, everyone had created a hole big enough for them to not only stand in, but came up to their knees at least. They threw dirt everywhere, making sure their shovels had a good fill and making the hole deeper. Even TopHeavy and WideHip stayed in, making sure everyone pitched in. They didn't have to dig much longer. It was up to their waists when Owen' shovel hit something with a loud clunk."Owen, have I told you how much I love you?" WideHip smiled and watched him blush wildly."We have heard you Captain. You where shouting it from his cabin this morning, over and over and-Ah!" Jareth started off smirking, but was left glaring at TopHeavy who had hit him on the much banter and heaving and heavy breathing, they finally pulled out the massive chest and with a hard 'clunk' on the ground it did land."Before we open this, I just want you all to know...If I hear any 'pull out your chest' or 'open up and let's see what's inside; no I was talking about your Top' jokes, I will have to maim and mangle you all." TopHeavy declared and eyed everyone. All the males, minus Owen, all groaned in frustration."Oooooh, but I had a good one!" Beetlejuice said. He got walloped in the head with the broke off the lock with TopHeavy's flintlock and all stood back as her and WideHip opened the chest."It's...""It's...""Wonderful...""Magnificent...""TREASURE!" WideHip finished for everyone and barreled towards it. Out came various coins, jewels, trinkets and candlestick holders (which no one really paid any attention to) and soon, all those present where picking and throwing it in the air."Sexy, sexy treasure! Sparkly!" WideHip yelled happily, rolling around in it like it was money. Technically, some of it was but she still rolled in the sparkliness of it."Jewels! Gold! And...a Magic lamp?" TopHeavy held up the object to the sun so everyone could see it."How do you know it's magic?" Beetlejuice asked, trying to removed a loose jewel from his hair."It says so on the box." She pulled out a box, which indeed had 'Magic lamp' on it and a large picture of said lamp on the front."Ah.""Jafar's Magic lamp." WideHip looked at it in awe. Everyone stared at her as she looked slightly like a fangirl."I'm sorry, but he's totally awesome! All the adventures and...stuff he's done.""Yes, many epic...stuff." TopHeavy nodded in agreement. She stooped down and nodded at WideHip who understood the gesture. They placed one hand each on either side of the lamp and began to rub. It twitched and wiggled about in their hands as if itself was alive, but eventually, after much struggling, a puff of smoke escaped and then out came the...parrot of the lamp."Holy Cahoners, do you KNOW how long I've been in there?" Iago shouted and spluttered, sorting out his feathers and gasping in big gulps of fresh air."You're not a genie?" TopHeavy arched her eyebrows."No, really? And here I thought you was a ballerina! Step off, you damn broad!" Iago flew into her face and yelled at her angrily. She was so shocked she didn't act. She just sat there, frozen on her knees."...Iago, as you're new master, I command you...be my pirates parrot!" WideHip said and smiled happily. Iago saluted her with his wing and flew down, perching on her was being restrained on the ground by Reggie and Beetlejuice. She had picked up her shovel and was threatening to squash Iago into a bloody bag of feathers."Now, I'm as REAL pirate! With a parrot!" WideHip said and gave Iago a jellybean. He didn't like crackers she knew, so opted for her own sweet treat. She hoped that when he got to old to be a pirates parrot, she'd just eat him instead. But he didn't know to need that just stopped struggling and focused on something she said."Real? Then what am I?""You're still a 'porn-movie' pirate." WideHip said dryly, showing she was opened her mouth to argue and held her hand in protest, but after a moment's thought, she lowered her head. It was true. She was 'porn-movie pirate' material."Oooooooooooooh! That's REAL original! A pirate with a parrot!" Iago ignored him, shoving a cracker in his mouth which he instantly started to cough back out."If he misbehaves, just feed him a cracker." WideHip said and laughed at the horrified face of so they departed for their ships, TopHeavy constantly shoving crackers into Iago' mouth, WideHip wondering the next things to draw, Jareth and Beetlejuice lugging the chest back (with Reggie sitting on top of it drinking tea) and Owen taking up the rear. He was terrified WideHip would pinch his butt again. She had gotten him so used to it, his butt cheek was permanently clenched. Even in bed. Just in case she tried to get in. thus ends another exciting expedition! This time it was something Piratey! Will there be another misadventure for our heroines and their crews? See next time in 'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'


	10. New pets and love

Delusions of cola on the high seas 10New pets and love?Over the Ocean, between the two ships..."POLLY WANT ANOTHER CRACKER!" TopHeavy squealed evilly and shoved yet another disgusting wafer thing biscuit into the birds beak, before grabbing it at the top and bottom and forcing the poor bird to swallow."TopHeavy, stop torturing my bird!" WideHip swatted away her friends hand and stepped away to pat her bird on the back."He started it!""He's a bird, what harm could he possibly do?""He's Lude, Crude, malts his feathers everywhere and he makes the most disgusting sexual jokes! He's almost as bad as Beetlejuice!""HEY!" Beetlejuice poked his head up from cleaning the deck upon hearing her statement."I said ALMOST!""...Thank you." He said and got back. He liked being the most despicably disgusting thing on this ship. Next to the sunk in her chair, huffing and puffing, but a felt a little bit better when Iago had to stay quiet because his throat was now sore. That was a lie of course, he just didn't want another cracker shoved down his a nice quiet moment, both girls got back into their witty banter, swapping ingenius ideas and coming up with the most easiest solutions to problems."So...What's the most ridiculous argument we can think of? For the purpose of discussion of course." TopHeavy said and removed a loose button for her coat. She noted to get Victor to sow it back together later."Whether or not Iago's cool? He sooo is by the way. Actually, that most arguments are ridiculous. Definetely.""I don't find them ridiculous.""See.""...""..."They just looked out at the sunset for a while, enjoying the orange glow it casted over everything. It would have looked so beautiful. If Beetlejuice wasn't urinating off the side."Beetlejuice, we're trying to watch a soothing sunset here!" TopHeacy said, throwing a random old shoe at him. It hit him on the back of the head and he tumbled forward into the ocean."Say hi to Froglip and Ryu whilst you're down there!""You know, I just had a thought; neither of our crews have had a sexy mutiny in a while." WideHip said, stroking Iago's belly gingerly. He seemed content."Yeah. We've been to busy to 'encourage' them, and they're too busy with each other. Look at Beej and Frog-" TopHeavy started but had WideHip's hand fly out infront of her mouth."I'd rather not. I still haven't washed the last image from my mind thank you."That night, on the two boats...It was late at night. WideHip had allowed Iago to go to sleep in his little perch with a blanket and decided to go for a nice night's was marching along confidently on the upper deck, admiring the beautiful night's sky and the calm of the ocean. She leaned across the railing and gazed to her side, looking out at the ocean infront of the two ship's. Perfect sailing."Urm...Captain WideHip?" A familiar voice called for her to the side, on the other ship. She turned at the familiar voice and smiled at the person a few feet away from her."Victor, how nice to see you." She said and hoped over to the railing and onto the board that connected the two ships. She was about to hop over the other one, when Victor held out his hands. She wasn't used to such gentlemanly ways and allowed him to take the lead. He gripped her firmly by the waist and lowered her down infront of him, not bothering to go quickly and taking his time, as if she weighed nothing."Thank you." She said and composed the butterflies in her stomach. In the moonlight, he was quite a handsome man and he was very nice to her, always smiling and secretly offering her a drink of cola when TopHeavy wasn't around."It's fine. I was wondering, would you care to join me for a late night pic...picnic?" He stuttered, obviously nervous in asking her, but keeping his sweet smile."I'd love to! I was feeling peckish anyway." She smiled back and looped arms with him, allowing him to lead her to the front of the Freak Ship. She felt calm. What she obviously didn't feel was the eyes watching her and Victor's midnight picnic, all the way from darkened shadows on her shadows on the Sexy ship...Two figures where watching intently. They watched WideHip approach Victor and him lift her down onto the opposite ship. They watched her picnic with him and talk, though they did not hear the conversation. They could see by the body language and almost romantic atmosphere that the couple where having quite a pleasant time. They where seething with jealousy but wouldn't let the other now it."It seems our Captain has found a NEW playmate." Puck said with his arms folded and scowling at the nicely set scene."Not really playmate, more...friend." Jareth hissed out the last word as if it were poision on his tongue. He would have no such things as friends. Well, none that he would tell that to."What do you suggest we do?" Puck said, trying not to snarl as he watched WideHip leaned over and fed Victor a strawberry."WE don't do anything...not until we get him alone." Jareth smirked, thinking of a good plan."You're not planning on seducing him are you? Because we all know what happened last time..." He chuckled quietly, but sobered up with the glare Jareth threw him. He knew NOT to talk about THAT time."You know NOT to talk about THAT time." Jareth hissed and marched off in a huff towards the shadows. Puck merely chuckled quietly to himself and watched them for a couple more minutes. He proceeded back to his own cabin, awaiting whatever details he would get from Jareth. It would all be a matter of next day, on the Freak ship..."TopHeavy!" WideHip called and hopped down off the railing, landing with a soft clunk. Ever since last ngiht with Victor, she had been in a good mood, but after a few minutes drawing, she found she had a sore spot in her neck and needed either some painkillers or medical attention."Yes? Why's your head lopsided WideHip?" TopHeavy said, clambering down from a side of a sail."I bloody hurt it alright. It's so sore, Iago can't even hop on my shoulder. You don't know if Victor does massage do you? My neck is killing me." She asked and looked about. It was known that Victor was a 'jack of many trades', in that, he wasn't just the ship's doctor, he was also the tailor, the plumber and the cook (though no one really wanted to eat his food ever since L disappeared after an argument with the doctor)."I'LL DO IT!" All the boys on the crew (both sides) shouted in unison. Even Puck, Jareth and Eric hopped dramatically onto the ship and surrounded WideHip to take up the challenge. Both girls rolled their eyes."Where has Victor gone? I thought he'd gone to swap recipes with Silver this morning?" TopHeavy looked around the deck and then at the gathered crews. They all smiled happily and looked at her with innocence. That was a big give away the something was wrong. She looked around again and noticed a barrel that wasn't usually there, just placed directly beneath the main sail. She walked over to it, noticing the boys eyes widen in fear. She popped off the top and sitting there, with his legs against his chest and a gag (an apple really) in his mouth, was Victor. She merely shook her head in disapproval, helping him out as she scolded the crew."We've talked about this you guys, no drowning fellow crewmates by pushing them off of the ship in a barrel! We the barrels for cola and rum, and crewmates so they can work extra hard to pillage and loot places so we can get the cola and rum!""That is NOT ok you guys.""No it isn't." Victor fell out of the barrel and fleed straight over to WideHip, cuddling her round the waist and nuzzling her neck."I'm safe now, my love." He smiled happily and and sighed contently. WideHip merely patted him on the head. All the crew however huffed and puffed at the 'my love' bit and started rolling up their sleeves."Now, now boys! If you kill the one doctor/cook/tailor on both ships, whose going to do the jobs? It's a big no, no." She said and gave them 'the look', which was basically her way of saying 'anyone who tries anything, will have a flintlock shoved up their...cannon hole.'All the crew sighed and nodded in understanding, wandering off to continue with their oddjobs, some muttering curses under their that night, on the Freak ship...TopHeavy was content indeed. She'd managed to stop the guys killing Victor AND was now enjoy her mighty sandwich, which was made from tuna and mayo and cucumber, squashed between two hefty pieces of white , how she loved her the Sexy ship...WideHip to was content. She was currently drawing more of her favourite pictures which came from her head and was humming a nice little tune. Victor (who had attached himself like a limpet to her since earlier that day) had fallen asleep with his head in her lap and his arms wrapped round her. She stroked his wild mane of hair, content in hearing him purr."Mmmm...Elizabeth." He moaned KNEW, that just wasn't ! Only a short adventure this time my friends! But what is this on the horizon? TROUBLE? Find out what creatures and dark storms await our favourite duo and teams in the next installment of...'Delusions of cola on the high seas!'


	11. Retirement for the Hips

_Delusions of Cola on the high seas 11Retirement for the Hips?__On the Sexy ship...The party was in full swing. Everyone on board was drunk on cola and merry at the various porn pictures scattered and plastered about. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Except WideHip was no-where in sight. She had complained about stomach cramps and gone off to bed, none of the men questioning anything. However, she had been seen to sneak out later and venture somewhere onto the Freak was only when Jareth pulled aside TopHeavy did things start to un-weave."Urm...I...Have you noticed anything weird with the captain recently?" Jareth said, making sure nobody could hear them in the dark alcove. He didn't want anyone else to worry."What? No, why?" TopHeavy said, sipping her drink and wondering what could possibly be going on."She hasn't been molesting the crew recently and her orders aren't...well, they're normal, nothing outrageous or sexual. And early this morning...I found her in the kitchen...doing the dishes.""Yeah? So? Maybe she just wan-""The whole place was CLEAN ma'm.""...I'll talk to her." TopHeavy said, shoving her cola into Jareth's hand and hoping over to her ship. She'd seen earlier WideHip hop over and thought it was to try to get a pair of painkillers from her medical cupboard. She found WideHip stood at the other end of her ship, leaning over the railing. As she approached, WideHip turned slightly, smiling at the guest, before turning back and gazing off into the distance at the new moon."Was wondering where you got to." TopHeavy said quietly, eyeing her carefully out of the corner of her eye."Stuff to think about." WideHip fiddled with her hooked hand."What type of stuff?""Complicated stuff.""...Look, we're friends. We may not ALWAYS see eye to eye-DON'T SNICKER 'SHORTY' AT ME!- and sure, when we first met, we started off hating each other. But through thick and thin, sexy mutinies, kidnappings, treasure hunts, body swapping and gigantic red guys who molested us with chairs, we've always been there for one another. You can tell me.""...I'm thinking about retiring." WideHip sighed as she gazed at the open a while, all TopHeavy done was stare at her, her breasts perched and supported on the railing and her back leaning in."You want to retire? NOOOOOOOO!" She threw herself down and at her friends feet."TopHeavy..." she was cut off by simple moans and whimpering and shouted pleas."You...You can't retire! I won't be able to man my ship without you! Jareth and Eric and everyone would have to come to my side and...Iago, I can't stand Iago, you can't leave me like that! I'd die within a fortnight! And-" She was cut off by WideHip stuffed a bit of random chocolate confectionary in her mouth."Hey, calm down," she pulled TopHeavy up with a wistful smile on her face, "I haven't decided yet. I just wanted to give you a heads up. And I wanted to tell you, that if I do...I do want you to have my ship and crew. And they won't give you THAT much trouble." She again stared out into the clear blue horizon."But...why?" TopHeavy said, a little bit gave a long sigh and prepared her speech."I've grown tired of this life. It's always the same, I feel like I need something new for a change. But as I said, I haven't decided yet, so...let's get back to the party." WideHip turned and walked back, putting on a false smile for the rest of the night, TopHeavy called it 'A chance to stay' night, reminding WideHip of all the reasons in the world and on their ships to only she knew the real hour later, on the Sexy ship...Much merriment had been had. Yet again, people where drunk and passed out. Many on other people. TopHeavy was sandwiched between Raziel and (somehow) Froglip and most of the others where strewn about, muttering about drunken things that drunk people mutter was the only one awake. She made sure not to drink too much cola and had waited patiently, not drawing attention to herself. When she was sure everyone was unconscious and not going to wake, she headed towards the rope that lead to a little prepared rowboat by the took off her hat and hook (leaving on her Captain Hook coat), leaving both items carefully on the railing and prepared to climb down, when she so two familiar feet in front of her. She looked up from her kneeling position to the smiling face of Beetlejuice."And where are you planning on going?" He said, low so he wouldn't startle anyone awake. He wanted to see for himself what was going down at turned her head and muttered, "I knew dead guys didn't sleep," before turning back and sighing heavily, "I'm just gonna practice my rowing some more. You know, gotta be prepared." She smiled at him."You're going rowing?""Yes.""In the middle of the night?""Yes.""With all your stuff?""...Yes.""..."She sighed again and climbed back up the ladder, knowing this wasn't going to be easy."What do you care?""You know I can't let you leave. The Captain would feed me to the sandworms." He turned quickly and eyed said Captain, glad she was still asleep and drooling on her crew gestured, distracting Beetlejuice and appeared to be rubbing her jaw in frustration. As soon as he was fully turned around again, she leant forward and kissed him roughly. He was shocked for a second but then settled happily into the kiss, letting his body drop as she gripped him by the pulled back. He stayed exactly where he was, that same goofy smile on his face and the lips pouted to where she kissed him. She sighed and wiped away the mould from her mouth, before clambering down the ladder and into her boat. After checking everything was there, she pulled up the ores and rowed away, a gentle tear falling down her cheek when she was in the distance and could just see her ship adjoined with her Next morning on the Sexy ship..."Ow...my head." TopHeavy pulled herself upright so she was leaning over Raziel, rubbing her sore temples."Ow...my butt." Jareth proclaimed and tried to rollover but was stopped by Eric laying flat on top of his back. He didn't want to know what happened last night."I think...I'll go over to my cabin and be sick." TopHeavy said and approached the railing steadily, making sure she didn't trip over. She noticed Beetlejuice in the way and decided to take her anger out on him."Oi, ugly un-dead, fetch me some painkillers and water." She ordered, clambering carefully onto the railing. When she recieved no reply she looked at him."Oi! Beetlejuice! Are you listening...to...me..." She trailed off when she noticed his stuck and frozen expression. She thought he was making fun of her somehow, but even when she swiped him round the head, he didn't budge."Beej? You're not ACTUALLY dead...are you?" She approached and climbed back down in front of him. She peered closely at his pouted out lips and noticed one of his teeth was blacker than usual. She reached forward and pulled out from between his lips...an iron , he came back to his usual self and looked about."...Ah GODAMNIT! The bitch tricked me!" He yelled and screwed his face up in frustration."One; Don't yell," TopHeavy said, rubbing her temples, "two;...What are you talking about?""It's...Urm...It's Captain WideHip Ma'm...She's gone." Beetlejuice looked at her nervously. She instantly seemed to sober up and after a few collective thoughts, realised what had happened."Oh, that clever, sexy bloody woman!" She said and marched onto the Sexy ship. She ran from place to place, looking in the Captain's Cabin and the dining quarters. Most of the important stuff was gone; 'Cola cans, Cola barrels, Clothes, Drawing pads and various sketches which where WideHip's favourites, stomped back up and to the main deck."I-gor! Grab me my soapbox!" She demanded and waited for him to come back and everyone to gather to see what was going on. When he placed it down, she confidently stood on top of it, her hands on her hips as she looked sternly at both crews."You all do realise that we're going to go after her? Because if not; One, That means I'm the Captain of both crews and means I'll have to take care of you all, and two; No more sexy drawings." She'd hardly finished her sentence until all the crews from both ships started yelling stuff at her."Are you with me? Yay or Neigh?" She shouted enthusiastically."YAY!" They all yelled in unison."Then...FREAK SHIP! MAKE ONBOARD! EVERYONE, DO AS I SAY! HOIST THE SAILS! SWAB THE DECK! DO OTHER BOATY THINGS! WE MUST CATCH UP WITH HER!" She yelled confidently and watched everyone rush about. She jumped off and Eric came towards her, surrounded by the usual band of miscreants."Captain...But...doesn't it seem like she doesn't WANT us to find her?" He asked her inquisitively."What? No! She...she must have SOME reason! Something big! You don't just 'retire' and 'settle down to start a new life'! That's not the pirates way!" She declared and started to pull a rope to unwrap a sail."...Maybe she's pregnant..." Beej said and looked around. Everyone had stopped what they where doing and looked at him, all in silence."No, no...she...she couldn't be..." She trailed off and looked met with was the first to pipe up."Who...who could be the father?""ANYONE here could be the father!" Jareth exclaimed and clutched at his chest which seemed to have all of a sudden gotten very tight."Well, not me..." TopHeavy said and folded her arms."I wouldn't be surprised." Beej said smirking. Needless to say, they would have set off an hour early, but TopHeavy was chasing after Beej with a large iron hammer, until she eventually managed to throw it at his an Island, somewhere, far off...WideHip reclined back on her deckchair. She was content for the moment and thought of her crew. She was hoping and praying they wouldn't find out her fate as she didn't want to drag them down with her. Surprisingly, she quite liked her crew. She even liked TopHeavy's band of thought of Beetlejuice and wandered if he had found the 'I'm sorry for jamming a nail in your mouth', picture she'd put in his pocket. It was something she knew he'd like. An early memory from their 'interrogation' moment. Ah, thought of Jareth and of how much of a drama king he was. She remembered telling him exactly that on one occasion with him yelled 'Hey!' at her and flicking his glorious mane of hair. And his tight pants. How she loved those tights thought of Eric and how wonderfully sweet and shy he could be. She remembered all the times she heard him singing in the shower. Which was awesome since they only had a thought of Froglip. ...She thought it be pretty empty without him. thought of Victor. She thought of his sweetness and how nice he was to her. It was a shame that he 'didn't have all his horses in the stable.' As she put it to TopHeavy on MANY thought of Owen and how serious he always was. She remembered whenever she pinched his butt he would whine about 'sexual harassment.'And then she thought of TopHeavy. By this point she was bawling and trying to wipe away her tears. She thought of TopHeavy's unfortunate size (which always gave her a sore neck) and her unfair chest size...she was really a good person and a great thought of all her crew and started to miss them and wondered if she'd ever see them again."FOUND HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!" A voice broke through her quiet and tranquil state, pulling her out of her melancholy as she whizzed round and look horrified at the sight her crew and TopHeavy's where making there way forward, with TopHeavy leading the way to her."YOU IDIOTS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CAN YOU NOT TAKE A HINT? WideHip yelled and shook away all her tears, her sadness giving away to annoyance at the ignorance of her friends."How dare you run away! And in your condition!" TopHeavy yelled, stomping over and gripping her friend by the shoulders. WideHip merely slapped them off."What condition?"Almost in sync, everyone on crew (including TopHeavy) pitched in."YOU'RE HAVING A BABY! YOU SHOULDN'T RUN AWAY IN YOUR CONDITION!"",,,,I'M NOT PREGNANT!" She yelled, looking very annoyed and even more horrified, "God, you lot really ARE idiots."The crew all sighed and moped their brows, mutterings of, 'Oh thank God', heard around."What are you hear you idiots? You're signing you're ow-" She was stopped in the middle of her rant by TopHeavy bouncing her off her boobs."Oh be quiet! Get your stuff, we're going back to the ships! We came here for you and we ain't leaving till you come with us!" She demanded and picked up a random sketchpad. Yeah, like that was going to be enough to carry."You...You came for me?" WideHip blinked, shocked that they cared about her in that way to."I'd come for you," TopHeavy shrugged and looked down, slightly embarrassed at her next heartfelt confession, "you're my friend. I wouldn't be able to do any of the piratey stuff without you."She saw WideHip sink to her knees and look at her with teary eyes. WideHip reached out and grabbed TopHeavy's hands and pulled her slightly down to."I didn't know you cared so much." She began to sob and saw TopHeavy fighting back tears of her own."I do...I do!" She started crying and collapsed on her knees girls fell into each others embrace, sobbing into one another's coats and hugging each other."Oh, WideHip.""It's...It's ok." WideHip said and stroked TopHeavy's hair beneath her hat , beyond the beautiful clashing of the waves and the sun setting and casting a beautiful orange glow in the distance, they heard a distinctive and collective sound of fapping. They turned around to see the boys standing behind some bushes and watching them intently."STOP RUINING THE MOMENT WITH YOUR FAPPING!" TopHeavy demanded and pointed at the guilty looking pulled WideHip to her feet and dusted off the sand off her coat and boots."I know, they're a pain sometimes, but that's no excuse to run off and try to escape them. If they bother you that much we could always lock them in the chamber for a weak?" Topheavy sighed and started walking back to the ship. She turned when WideHip didn't follow and saw her frowning."You have to understand. I'm not running away from THEM...it's impossible...I'm trying not to involve you guys, but you'll probably screw that up for me as well." She folded her arms and looked at TopHeavy disapprovingly."Then what are you running away from?""Something...scary.""Oh God...You weren't running from sparkly vampires?" TopHeavy and WideHip both pulled similar horrified faces."THAT'S SCARY." WideHip said, shuddering and then shaking her head."Then what made you possibly run out here?" TopHeavy said with her hands on her hips."...Think of your biggest fear.""...Ok.""Now double it.""...Doubled.""It's worse than that.""...Well I'm not scared. Things aren't always what they seem." She turned round and admired her crew and for some reason seeing Jareth looking a little glum."You will be.""Oh come on, how bad can it be?" TopHeavy walked over to WideHip and turned her back around so she was facing her. She looked in her serious eyes and knew it was something big."...IT."And thus, the chapter ends here! I've left you all on a cliffhanger but what is this...IT? What has a clown got to do with our beloved Captain WideHip? All we'll be revealed and watch out...A battle begins in...'Delusions of Cola on the high seas!'_


	12. IT is back! An EPIC battle!

Delusions of Cola on the high seas 12IT is back! An EPIC battle!On an Island, somewhere, far off..."IT?" TopHeavy repeated, unsure of exactly what her friend was saying."IT." WideHip repeated, seeming to stick on the word by allowing her eyes to bulge."What do you mean by IT, exactly?" WideHip just rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration, shaking off TopHeavy's grasp on her shoulders."Ugh, just...Leave! Whilst you still can, please!" She look out towards her ships and then slowly let her gaze flow to the horizon. "I don't want to take you...with...me...," she trailed off and TopHeavy noticed her pale increasingly quickly."What?" She waved her hands around in front of her friend and saw she didn't budge, "What is it?"And then she turned towards the direction of the to Paled considerably quickly.A Ship of enormous size (even bigger than 'D's') was sailing towards them at a slow speed. Coming from the ship was a sound of laughter, screams and happy music. This was not good."Whose...whose ship is that?" TopHeavy finally muttered out and looked away back at WideHip."You might still make it...if you run..." was all WideHip could get out. Her voice was haunting and distant and she barely looked like her old had had enough. She swallowed her visible fear and turned back to WideHip, grasping her yet again by the shoulders and shaking her."We're not leaving without you! Get it through your thick skull!" She began to pull and yank at WideHip's arms, coaxing her toward the still scared out of her wits, WideHip became angry at her stubborn friend and tried to wriggle her off."You can't save me! My fate was sealed before I met you! But you can still save yourself!" She said and was startled by a loud bang from the ships cannons. Red and blue streamers flowed heavily out and this seemed to scare her more, freezing her back in place."You'll die...if you try...," she whispered, almost near tears."EVERYONE! TO THE SHIP! HURRY!" TopHeavy cried and ran off the beach and into the small boat, keeping a tight grip on WideHip's hand and practically dragging her back to the ships. It was a pain pulling her up the ladder, Beetlejuice had to lend a helping hand by pushing her on the butt, urging her the Sexy ship..."You ready for this?" TopHeavy looked over at WideHip as a ship approached."No...but I have to do this. It's a contract." WideHip gulped and managed to calm down. After multiple times of her trying to jump overboard and drown herself and then everyone slapping her about a few times, she seemed relatively better."That's good, because I want you to know-AHHHHH!" TopHeavy never really finished her sentence as she grabbed WideHip by the waist again and prevented her from jumping over the rail."Lemme' go!""No!"TopHeavy heaved and pulled and placed her boot on the rail, using her own weight to pull WideHip back with her. Unfortunately, this meant that WideHip fell backwards and landed on top of TopHeavy. Both girls rolled around a little, slightly disorientated at first. When they got back their senses and sat up, they saw the boat that had been approaching them, only a few feet away from their own large polka dot sails, red painted cannons and colourful hanging streamers horrified the girls to no , IT Captain with his big fluffy red hair, white face paint and big poofy clothes jumped, appeared from one side of the railing, wearing a big smile on his face and showing off his stomach swirling yellow teeth. He Jumped on the railing, bouncing along on a big Spacehopper. A couple of bounces he allowed, watching as WideHip and TopHeavy clung to each other, both silent at the figure before them. He gave one big bounce and landed straight onto the Sexy ship, a foot away from TopHeavy and WideHip's bodies on the floor. Both girls screamed quickly and shuffled backwards, their backs hitting two lifted through the air, the only sound being the streamers and part poppers filtering around them."I have been waiting for this for every July a year." Pennywise chuckled insanely, his eyes never leaving the two shook her head clean of fear for a while and thought of logical reasoning."Wait...when did you make this deal?" She turned to WideHip, surprised she could form a sentence and dare to look away from Pennywise."Three years ago, today." Pennywise choose to answer for WideHip who seemed to be thinking of something important. Probably to breathe."AHA!" TopHeavy heaved herself up and pulled WideHip with her. She stood proudly and declared her reasoning's."But three years ago, SHE," she pointed at WideHip, "was only 16 and could therefore not form a legally binding contract!" She felt proud for albeit, 5 seconds, before WideHip slapping her forehead made her realise it probably wasn't that good."Dude...I've tried that...It seems crazy, murderous, monster clowns don't care about that stuff." She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her seemed determined. She sucked in her stomach and strode up to Pennywise (who was a little shorter than her) and sucked in a big breath."YOU LISTEN HEAR YOU...CLOWN! YOU WILL...What are you..." She trailed off as she noticed Pennywise wasn't looking at her face but rather a little south."Balloons?" Pennywise said and prodded one of her boobs with his finger, chuckling as he watched it slightly didn't stepped pulled TopHeavy back and threw her behind her, letting Beetlejuice catch her and restrain her as she began to curse and shout out random things she was going to do. Mostly to Pennywise. None that could be repeated."Allow me to say goodbye to my friend." WideHip stated and waited for permission from her new 'owner.' Pennywise looked between the two, still slightly amused TopHeavy was being lifted off the ground, around her waist to prevent her from getting loose."I'll allow it. But be quick, we have so much to do. Including you're new UNIFORM." He smiled that sickly smile again and began back flipping off the ship and onto his shuddered and pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind, knowing this was more important. She walked over to TopHeavy and waited for her to stop struggling. Beetlejuice put her down and left, letting the two girls have their moment. The stared at each other, both with their arms folded."You ok down there?" WideHip asked, quirking her eyebrow playfully. TopHeavy merely huffed."You do realise I'm coming after you?" It wasn't really a question of asking permission; it was a sighed."I will murder you if get captured as well." WideHip said, again rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration."I shan't," TopHeavy stepped forward and threw her arms around WideHip, being sincere, "I'll fight to my death (or run) rather than get caught by a battalion of clowns."Both girls embraced each other, choosing to ignore the fapping noises and the giggles around them. WideHip stepped back, saluted TopHeavy and then dramatically swung from one rope off her ship, directly into the clutches of hour later on the Sexy ship..."When are we going after her?" Jareth complained and played with a random ball."We're creating dramatic tension! Laying it out a bit you know?" TopHeavy stated and whacked Beetlejuice around the head. He hadn't done anything it just made her feel better."I never found out why exactly she was indebted to him." She sighed and dealt out another pile from her deck of cards."She never told you? It was to get the ship!" Eric said and downed another brandy. He really wasn't himself and was taking it quite hard."...So THAT'S how she got such a sexy crew!" TopHeavy slammed her fists down on one side of the table and stood up. She gazed at the wide open ocean and towards where the ship had been headed."Boys...We're going in."On the Clown ship...It was horrible. Undignified. And downright scary. WideHip was traumatised. Bright colours where painted everywhere, pies where thrown and the worst thing was...he had dressed her up. She wouldn't have minded so much, except all the way through, he kept molesting her, which she vowed to make TopHeavy suffer for, because she had promised to save hideous array of baggy trousers and tight top made her feel self conscious and the fact that Pennywise SPECIFICALLY made her wear one that was in the colour orange/yellow/purple/red polka dot and thin-striped clown clothes. He could have at least made them cover SOME parts of her body. That she could tell him how much she hated him she 'd even forbade her the one love in her life she couldn't live without. The one thing that gave her meaning. He told her she wasn't allowed to draw. Oh, how she fell about, howling and screaming like a stormy nights wind. She felt as if her heart would rip in two. She begged and pleaded, she offered her own body, but alas, Pennywise stood his ground. He said, if she was caught drawing, he'd make her go insane, which was her biggest fear."WideHip." A voice whispered next to her. She looked up from her crouched position and saw a bright white face in front of her. At first she didn't recognise it, but when the figure smiled and didn't have yellow teeth, she knew who it was."Top...TopHeavy!" She shrieked and had a hand clasped over her mouth."Quiet down Burk! You want us all dead?" TopHeavy said and looked about. No one had paid them any heed which was good. They where all too busy torturing people and each other."Come on old buddy, we're getting you out of here!" Topheavy said and grabbed WideHip's hand and yanking her up. WideHip couldn't help but snicker at the 'disguise' TopHeavy had on."Shut up! It was all Puck could conjure up for me!" TopHeavy argued. She had on a blond afro, underneath a party hat with the most baggiest dress of all. Best part about it was, the front had been purposefully 'customised' so it actually showed off her breasts. That bastard."We can't break the contract though!" WideHip stated and held up her chained wrists."...They're paper chains!" TopHeavy hissed out and went to remove them, but WideHip snapped her wrists away."Noooooo! I'll get a paper cut!" She pulled a horrified face. All Yerp could do was grunt and pull a frustrated pose, before sighing heavily."Well, at least it's not a balloon animal one."WideHip grabbed TopHeavy by the shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes like a scared animal."Don't let me get molested by him (again), please!"TopHeavy grabbed her shoulders and clung onto her."I promise, I promise, but! Promise me...you'll untie me if I get caught!"WideHip stepped back into the corner, just as other 'disguised' crewmembers came into sight."But...I...I...I can't disobey the captain...he doesn't like it...," she became quiet and stilled when an arm wrapped around her shoulders."Not. One. Bit." The Joker licked his bottom lip and eyed up the crew."What the hell? You're on Penny's ship to?" TopHeavy looked petrified, but Joker merely turned away from her and looked behind her."Hello Jareeeeeeth." He winked and turned around and saw that Jareth had already gone somewhere to hide, with Joker following close behind. Good for him."Can't disobey the Captain. All Clowns on Penny's ship." She said, rolling into a ball. TopHeavy turned to the mixed crews."We have to save her NOW!""But whose going to save us?" They all yelled in unison."...Cowards.""Won't let me draw. Won't let me draw. Won't let me draw. Won't let me draw..." WideHip muttered over and over again to herself."Oh, poor girl," TopHeavy said and wrapped her arms around her, "I'm sooooooooo getting you off this ship...somehow...where's a sexy female clown when you need one?" "Drawing, cute drawing, nice. Quiet." WideHip said and used her finger and face paint to doodle a smiley face. She turned towards TopHeavy and looked into her eyes desperately."Hurry." She spoke in a quiet voice."That's it!" TopHeavy proclaimed and pulled WideHip up so she was supporting her with one arm slung around her shoulders, whilst her own was clamped around her waist."Puck! I need your help! I need you to get Harley Quinn on this ship NOW!""Why me? Why can't Jareth do it?" Puck argued and folded his arms."One; at this moment he's running away from a horny clown who wants to get into his ; You're more ;...I don't have a third reason. Just do it!" TopHeavy argued and hissed at him, making sure Pennywise wasn't in sight."Maybe I don't want to." He chuckled."Oh well, if you can't do it, then just say so. I suppose this means you really AREN'T stronger than Jareth." She sighed and before she finished the sentence, could see Puck chanting out the spell."...Harley Quinn, appear!"A second later, a puff of smoke appeared and when it cleared, there stood a miss Harley Quinn."Harley! Long time no see! I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta run! Oh, by the way, Joker's over there with this REALLY cute guy called Pennywise, you should drop in say hi! Kk, bye bye now, you take care!" And before TopHeavy drew in her breath she smiled at seeing Harley practically bounce up the stairs towards the two men and pounce on her 'pudding'."The Captain hears EVERYTHING." WideHip whispered and hid behind TopHeavy."Right, that will distract them for a good...minute or so, let's go, we have to be quick!""With that lot?" WideHip pointed to the band of crew who were all dressed quite clowny. "You'll have to convince me to follow!""Right...Beej, convince her.""Gladly." Beej walked up and quickly chloroformed WideHip who fell limp in his arms within 15 seconds. She must have been exhausted."...I didn't mean like that. Oh well, come on!" She yelled and began to make her way down the ladder and into the little rowboat. Once everyone (and Jareth) where in, they sailed as fast as they could, back to their the Freak Ship..."Would these work?" TopHeavy asked WideHip, holding up two silver bullets. After their 'escape' they knew Pennywise would come after them, it was only a matter of time, so they needed to be well prepared."If you believe they will...they will." WideHip sneered at the outstretched hand. She was still convinced that he'd come for her and they'd lose. There was no , only a couple of seconds after that thought, the boat (it was very quick and rumoured to be rowed by ninja clowns) pulled up and the sound of screams and laughter echoed again."Righto," TopHeavy stated, loading her gun and turning her back. She waited. As soon as she heard the familiar squeaking sound of Pennywise' novelty shoes hit her wooden deck, she flung round, aimed and fired it directly at his foot."AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pennywise said. The howl was immense. All the crew could do was to stand and watch. He hopped around a bit, before falling ungracefully over the railing and plummeting towards the sea, where hopefully, Ryu the squid was awaiting strolled and looked down into the rippling water, only seeing a small red nose float on the surface."I think we drowned him. Can spiders drown?" She turned towards WideHip who was now standing and staring at her, shocked and slightly shaky."You...You just made him made...didn't you? He lives in the sewers and practically walks on water!" She looked close to tears."Does that mean we'll have to tear him limb from limb when he comes back up?" "I don't knoooooooooooow!" She wailed and collapsed on the ground."Well, I'm not waiting around," Topheavy turned and ran to the helm, grabbing the wheel between her hands and yelling, "I BELIEVE THE TERM 'FLEE' HAS NEVER BEEN MORE APPROPRIATELY USED UNTIL NOW BOYS! HOIST THE ANCHOR!""He's gonna' hunt us to the ends of the earth. I am soooooo DEAD." WideHip shuffled and sat down on a barrel with her head in her hands."Face your fear! We can do this!""On of my greatest fears is going insane...HOW THE HELL DO YOU FACE THAT?""Accept it! We all go a little crazy sometimes! Look at Victor!""I'M NOT CRAZY!" Victor turned from undoing his make-up and twitching his left eye. Crazy man."He's not crazy, he's just a basta-...I know...I know what to do! I've solved all of our...well...my problems," she looked around at the faces all focuses on her, "yes...you see..." she didn't finish but attempted to run over to the railing and jump off and drown. Luckily, Ki had attached a rope around her ankle earlier just in case. She gave one swift yank and watched WideHip fall flat on her face."Ow.""That serves you right for trying to run away." She said as she slowly pulled WideHip back into the centre of the deck and tied the end of the rope onto a barrel."Being dead works for Beej! No on can kill you if you're already dead!" WideHip pointed at Beej who was busy picking his teeth."Yes but you have to remember something..." TopHeavy said, walking over to Beej and giving him a sharp kick in the leg."OW!""HE can still feel pain. And Pennywise WOULD enjoy that more.""I bet Beej only pretends. F*****g faker." WideHip moaned and pulled on the rope like a monkey would do."Masochist!" TopHeavy yelled and slapped Beetlejuice on the back of the head.A voice interrupted them."At last."They all turned to the direction of the voice and saw Pennywise clambering (very wet) over the railing."!" WideHip yelled, bowing profusely at him."F**k it." TopHeavy said, tired of the fun and games, shooting him square in the head. He seemed to not notice for a second, but then toppled over, falling flat on his back."Boys," TopHeavy rolled up her sleeves, "we have work to do."And soon, all both sets of crew had grabbed a limb or some part of his anatomy and began to pull."Stand back WideHip, this is a mans job!""I am a man." She mumbled."Whaaaaaaaaaa?" Most of the boys stopped pulling and looked at her."Hey! Don't get distracted!" TopHeavy continued to pull with all her might."I've got more man in me than all these suckers put together! No beej, not in that way."As she watched the horrible display of violence, she was shocked at the amount of bloodlust going on in front of her. The tearing and the pulling and the glubbin!"Got. ITTTTT!" TopHeavy grunted and pulled off an arm."That's not an arm.""I'd rather you not tell me these things." TopHeavy discarded whatever it was over the side of the , the boys had all ripped off something another and Froglip was the last too get a satisfying tearing sound as he pulled off something valuable."I gots his head!" He began waving it around proudly, not noticing he was throwing blood about the newly washed faces and clothes of the crew. TopHeavy smiled and walked up to him."You seem to like that...Froglip...I have an idea..." she leant in and began whispering such and such into his ear. She pulled back and the boys so happy tears in his eyes."Thank you." He walked away, planting small and sweet kisses onto Pennywise' head."My dear WideHip," TopHeavy walked over with a know-it-all smile on her face, "have you ever heard of skullf*****g?""Yes...yes I have.""Then we're out of the pan AND the fire.""Good good." WideHip said, sniffling and still scared."Oh hush," TopHeavy said, hugging the poor girl, "he can't threaten you anymore, it'd be difficult with just a head.""But everything is NOT back to normal. I still gave up me crew...I'm not captain anymore!" She started to properly bawl now. Her crew turned to her."But we forgive you!"All she could do was look at them and cry."Wait...Beej, Froglip, don't join in!" TopHeavy said, getting quite angry."You can't do that...SHE'S the Captain! And it's HER ship!""Exactly!""But we want the one who gives us pornographic drawings!" Beej demanded with a grizzly frowned and tried to doodle with a small notepad and pencil. She couldn't even do stick figures well."I don't have skills!""It's not skills, it's practice!" WideHip stated."I practice and I can't draw! I'm useless!" TopHeavy started crying and ran to her cabin, her long coat flowing out dramatically behind her." I have no cabin anymore..." WideHip sniffled and stood alone for a while, wiping the make-up on her face away with her tears."I... I'll just get in my rowboat and... I don't have enough money to buy a new boat or crew... guess I'll settle down and marry a jam maker or something..." she said quietly to herself, becoming more and more like another person. She didn't even notice Eric pulling up beside her in the Sexy ship as they slowly sailed farther and farther away from Penny's ship. A boat without a Captain was no boat at , TopHeavy stormed out of her cabin, looking ready to kill. Or worse."Oh for heaven sake!" She grabbed WideHip roughly by the shoulders and done the one thing that she should have done to start off with. She pressed her lips roughly against WideHip's and stayed there. All the crew just stared. No one dared move. Not even the pulled back. She looked at WideHip's 'O' shaped mouth and closed it for her."Right...How do you feel?"WideHip stayed EXACTLY as she was. She didn't move. She didn't blink. Her eyes where practically falling out of her head."Good…glad that worked. Now crew...urm...go...do stuff!" She turned and looked at all the boys, most of whom had BIG smiles on their faces."Ay ay Sir!" they yelled and started disappearing and running about the place. Beej and Froglip looked at TopHeavy, then at each other, then back to TopHeavy."Why don't you do that with us?" They moaned in unison."BECAUSE THIIIIIIIIS, was a desperate situation. At least I know she's not scared much anymore." She walked over to WideHip who hadn't budged. She waved her hands in front of WideHip's eyes."I'm ok." WideHip managed to squeak out, still blushing and with her eyes bulging."Right...well...just...don't be scared of Pennywise anymore!"The name set something off in WideHip and she squeaked, hopped up on the railing and jumped onto her own ship, before running like a crazy woman into her cabin and yelling 'PENNYWISE SAFE! MAKE IT SAFE!""Just line everything with silver!" TopHeavy yelled towards the cabin and over the ships railing, snickering slightly and how everything had a nice ending."Oh and one more thing..."WideHip said, walking back out and over to the ship."Yerp?" TopHeavy said as she saw the look in WideHip's eyes. She grabbed TopHeavy by the throat and began to throttle her."MOLESTED ME? YOU LET PENNYWISE MOLEST ME!""...Uch...quick...quick...give her the...!" She couldn't finish as WideHip squeezed just a little bit tighter and shook her a little bit harder. She done the only thing she could think of."Three words?"And so concludes another chapter. An epic adventure and everyone is returned safely...does this mean...the end? No of course not! Join us for more, 'Delusions of Cola on the high seas!'


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